march 15, 2010 _ The Knight of Wands

Today the Knight of Wands comes to me. Knights are warnings, or maybe reminders is a better word. They possess a bold, rash energy. And sometimes this is just what's needed; the rush and dare, the brave confrontation. Sometimes though, this energy is too brash. LIfe requires more subtlety and subtlety is not the knights strong suit. And so when he comes up in a reading, you have to ask yourself is his energy helping or hurting.

The Knight of Wands brings all the energy of fire to situation. He's charming but can also be superficial. He is self-confident although this can border on cocky. He is daring, but sometimes foolhardy, adventurous but restless, passionate and hot-tempered. I can be this Knight. I can rush in foolishly, where angels fear to tread. I can be restless. I can be rash. I'm not sure I'm cocky. I tend to a heavy doses of self-doubt, but I am passionate, feel everything powerfully. Sometimes I jump in with both feet, and the consequences are devastating.

So when I ask about the health and happiness of my heart, of finding the deep and lasting connection I long for, what does the knight tell me. Is he asking me to bring a bit more passion into my life, to risk a bit, to dare, to be adventurous? Or is he telling me to hold back, to take a more measured approach? Knowing when to ebb and when to flow, when to rush and when to hold back, that kind of wisdom is hard for me. In the end I can only be myself, trust myself, and hope it's enough. It wasn't the last time but maybe this next time, I'll get it right, or at least righter. Maybe that's all we can hope for.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Knight of Candlesticks is embodied by Henry Tilney, of Northanger Abbey. He is light-hearted but possesses the courage of his convictions. He demands honesty and expects above-board behavior, especially from himself. He is unconventional but never cynical. He possesses a personal code of ethics which is unique, idealistic, and straight-forward and once his heart is won, he is intensely loyal. I like Henry Tilney. He and I are not much different. Of all Jane Austn's heroes, he's the one who is most like me. Of course Northanger Abbey gives us the shadow side of this Knight as well, in the characters of Frederick Tilney, Henry's brother, and John Thorpe. Still we have Henry to hold onto, to guide us rash and passionate beings, to help us find our own way to light the world.

Not really sure what to do about the Knight. Right now impulsive seems the last thing I would be and yet, seven years ago I was in just such a place (minus the bionic hip and bypass), sure I saw my life stretch before me unchanged, straight and narrow until I died, and five months later, my world split open and everything and anything was possible. From there I began to write again in earnest; I went back to school. I loved, deeply, profoundly, too deeply and yet.... We do not know what's ahead of us, even those of us with "inklings" and at any moment we can step off the path and find ourselves in the thick of uncharted territory. So maybe five months from now my life could blossom and I could find myself thick in an unexpected spring. It could happen. I'l keep you posted.