December 31, 2009 - Ten of Coins (Pentacles)

"So what do I need to know today to promote the health and happiness of my heart?"

The Ten of Pentacles/Coins. The Ten of Pentacles stands for the ultimate in worldly and material success. This is the card you want to see if you are wondering how your latest enterprise will turn out. Wealth and affluence are yours. Tens are the pinnacle of each suit and pentacles is the pinnacle of the minor arcana, the last card of the last suit. It starts with the element of fire, to Dare (fire), then moves to cups, To Feel (water). Now on the wheel, you'd go to North, but in the tarot after there is the spark and the desire, there is thought, swords/air. All these must be channeled before we can manifest in the material world, the world we live in, the world we have chosen to be a part and parcel of.

Okay, back to the 10 of Coins. Often when we achieve material success, we want it to last. This is the conservative side of the Ten of Pentacles. In readings, this card often stands for convention - following established guidelines and maintaining the status quo.

The Ten of Pentacles is also concerned with permanence. "Change is an unavoidable part of life, but constant change is uncomfortable. We need stability and the chance to work for a secure foundation in life. In readings, this card may be telling you to concentrate on the long-term. Work toward a lasting solution. Now may be the time to settle down and make the arrangements that will work for you far into the future."

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Ten of Coins is depicted by the end of Mansfield Park. Fanny and Edmund are married. Fanny holds their child in her arms as Edmund's mother, Lady Bertram, looks on. Lord Bertram is there too, on the estate but in the background, the patriarch who has seen good and bad and navigated his family, with the help of Fanny, through to these good times. The Ten of Coins is a card of structure and symmetry. It is an augury of financial success and prosperity.

It is a card that represents family traditions, the best and the worst of them. Wealth and status take priority over love and ethics in Mansfield Park, to everyone's detriment. Hmmmm. My recent trip home has shown where the search for security leads, when love is sacrificed for place, for money. In the end, it serves no one. It appears love is all you need, or at least love is the core of things. If it is intact, if it exists, then the money means something. If it doesn't, if it is just family, status quo, it is an empty foolish world that crumbles around you. Foundations must be solid, which means all elements must be represented - passion, intellect, emotion which leads to the fourth side, the earth, pentacles, the material plain.

What Would Jane Do?

"There is no substitute for love and merit, but life's path often requires prosperity as well for a truly happy ending. However, when you acheive a secure berth, love often makes its way into the vicinity as well. There are no guarantees and we never know where our paths may ultimately wander, but wholesome values (and some money in the bank) will stand you in good stead wherever you end up." P. 140

December 30, 2009 - The Three of Candlesticks (Three of Wands)

What do I need to know today for the health and the happiness of my heart?

On the Three of Wands, a man has struggled to the top of a mountain to survey the land below. He has worked hard to achieve this position which pulls him out of the fray, allows him a clear perspective. When the Three of Wands comes up in a reading, it asks you to take the long view, accept your vision, and to move toward it. It is a card of leadership, of someone with the strength and vision to succeed, and the courage to pave the way. The wands represent the element of fire and creativity. This card often refers to creative projects. Now is the time to move toward your creative goal.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the three of candlesticks (wands) is depicted by Fanny Price's brother, William, a high-spirited and energetic young man full of aspirations and a plan to achieve them. He has set his sights on the Navy, the military being the one field a commoner could raise to good heights in. In this card, the "growing pains" of the two of wands has progressed to the three. And while William has not achieved his ultimate goal, he is on his way. When this card shows up in a reading, "You have progressed beyond the realm of contemplation and into the sphere of action. Like william, you have achieved some success in your chosen profession (or area of inspiration), and the world you wish to create is literally in your hands." Since my horoscope talks about this being a year to focus on writing, I'm wondering if this is what the card refers to. It may be that to take my mind from the rest, what I need most is this endeavor to look toward and work for. Maybe the best cure for a broken heart, both literal and figurative is words on a page.

December 29, 2009 - The Devil/Judgement

When the Devil comes up in a reading, the question becomes delusion, self-righteousness, justification, self-imposed limits, what we think is as opposed to a more realistic picture of what actually is. In the Rider-Waite Tarot, the card is represented by a large, horned, cloven-footed Devilish being seated on a throne. In his hand he holds the chained leashes of a male figure and a female one. Each of these figures could escape but choose instead to stay trapped by the Devil. In the Rider-Waite Tarot, the Devil is not so much an entity of Evil as much as it is an entity of self-delusion, societal constraints, and rules we follow not because they are right or good but merely because we “should.”

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Devil card is represented by Lady Susan, an immoral woman who does what she wants no matter the cost and who is willing to sacrifice her only child to a loveless marriage purely for her own personal benefit. Lady Susan puts all sorts of restrictions on her daughter, who can she talk to, what she must do, and it is only when Frederica grows courageous enough to thwart her mother, does she at last have the hope of finding her own true happiness. It is not lost to me that my name, Susan, is that of the villain of the tale, or that I am visiting my own mother who has spent most of my life trying to mold me to her pleasures, her desires, her beliefs as to what is good and right. The way I love has become a commentary against and denial of all my mother stands for, seen as reaction and commentary, even when it isn’t, when I am doing nothing more than trying to find my own, right way.

I think it is no accident that I received this card in this Tarot deck in the midst of a visit to my family home and the always interesting time spent with my mom. Because of the name of the woman represented, mine, it is difficult to project the qualities of the Devil on someone else. In fact a friend of mine suggested just this, that the Devil represented my mother. And perhaps it does, but not just. The thing is, we are all the Devil. We rule ourselves with shoulds and oughts and then do our best to break those commandments. We justify our actions, doing what we want, finding so many reasons other than the most truthful, “because I want to.” I did things the last five years I said never would, not because anyone made me, but because I willingly chose it, wanting what I wanted, when I wanted, for no better reason than because I wanted it. It may be time to move beyond wrong and right, good and evil, and think more in terms of the why. And while we may still jump through hoops, wrap our desires in excuses and reasons, perhaps it is enough to be clear-eyed ourselves as to the whys and wherefores. Maybe he or she would be better off with us, but that’s besides the point. We balk and rail and rant against his or her choice that isn’t us knowing at the heart, it isn’t what we want, but maybe it’s what they want, or what is right for them, or necessary.

What Would Jane Do?

“Honorable intent and a deep understanding of your truest needs and desires will garner rewards reater than any machinations will ever ultimately provide, though temporary success can not be doubted. You must decide in advance which will give you the greater satisfaction.” P. 42

Of course the question that arises after the Devil makes an appearance is “Now What?” “How do I manage to overcome it, myself?” “How do I know where the Devil is or when He’s made an appearance in my life?” The card that comes up is Judgment. It’s going to be hard work and I’m the one that’s going to have to do that work. Of course. Did I think it would be otherwise?

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Judgment card depicts Emma Woodhouse, her beloved, Mr. Knightley, Emma’s father, Harriet Smith, and Mrs. Weston. Each of these people had to step beyond guilt and duty toward his or her own happiness. The status quo had to be disrupted and a new status quo obtained. Emma has often said she would not marry because her father did not want her to leave him. With her mother long dead, who will take care of her father? Emma wants to marry her beloved Mr. Knightley, but she doesn’t ant to hurt her father. Harriet Smith has loved and lost multiple times, often by her own foolishness and the puffed-up expectations that Emma fanned. When Robert Martin asks her to marry him a second time, after her first refusal, she has to forget all the dreams Emma seeded of her high birth and higher expectations and reach for love, even if in so doing, she appears foolish. Mrs. Weston had to give up being Emma’s governess to marry and have a child at her own. She felt much guilt at leaving Emma and at starting a family so late, and yet she knows what she wants and reaches out for it, makes it happen. And Mr. Woodhouse, a man who doesn’t want anything to change, his daughter to stay with him always, realizes that for the child he loves, he needs to make a sacrifice, let her marry, choose her happiness over his own. It is this movement toward a new future which allows enough space for a resolution to come that pleases everyone. Mr. Knightley and Emma can marry and Mr. woodhouse can still have Emma in his house. Now he will have grandchildren and the world will grow merrier, all because of his choice, his reaching out, his risk.

When this card comes up in a reading, it signals a major change and often one which you, the querent, must make through judgment. It requires more than a cursory examination of the situation, but a deep, visionary perspective that takes into account past, present and future. And it means that the power is mine to choose change or the status quo. To wait for another to do the work means I may wait forever. No, the Judgment card suggests it is time to learn what I want and to take the steps necessary to allow for it.

What Would Jane Do?

“We cannot depend that people will remain consistent in every area of their lives. In fact, we should become quite depressed if we were to rely on a perennial lack of advancement in the people we most esteem. If soulless flowers can blossom and grow, certainly one should be able to expect at least as much of our friends and lovers. Those that refuse to flourish in their particular patch of earth, despite the constant nurturing of well-meaning gardeners, and those who refuse to look upwards to the sun, might just as well be left to languish. That ay the garden can continue to grow in beauty and harmony.” P. 52

December 28, 2009 - The Hermit/Lord of Quills (King of Swords)

Today the Hermit comes up first. This is not the first time The Hermit has shown up since I began the daily practice of selecting a tarot card. The question arises when it returns like this, what does it mean. Is it going to be a solitary day? Do I need to take time off, retreat, or have I been doing too much of that? Perhaps it speaks to a certain sense of alienation that sometimes grows stronger and at others weaker. Maybe it just reminds me that there are times I’m going to feel separate and that it will pass, that I can be apart from the world but part of it too, that there is no either/or, but and, both, all, and everything between. This seems an important reminder for a being who hungers control in a world that seems chaotic and has found, especially these last few years, how ephemeral all that talk of control is.

So how do I accomplish this?

The King of Swords (Lord of Quills) appears. In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Lord of Quills is represented by Fitzwilliam Darcy, one of the male protagonists of Pride and Prejudice. When we readers first meet Darcy, he seems a haughty gentleman. He possesses intellect but untempered by feeling just as his friend, Charles Bingley, is all feeling but without discernment. By the end of the novel, both men have integrated parts of the other, become balanced. Ah Jane, no wonder I love your tales. What I need is there in every one, as if you knew me.

When a court card appears in a reading it can represent a person or may reflect personality traits you need. Darcy is a man of unquestionable intellectual gifts. Any CEO will tell you brains only get you so far, that at some point intuition is crucial and the marriage of the two, the best of all worlds.

Maybe you believe you know best for others due to your superior acuity? Darcy certainly did and look how he botched it, thinking Elizabeth would accept him simply because she was poor and he was a man of fortune, steering Bingley away from a woman who dearly loved him and whom he loved simply because Darcy didn’t believe Jane Bennett demonstrated strong enough indications of love.

It could also be that your standards are too high. Mr. Darcy refuses to dance with Elizabeth Bennett when he first meets her. That fact that she is known as a wit in country circles and her “fine eyes” are not enough to tempt him, at least initially. She works on him though and it isn’t long before he succumbs to her charms.

Not sure what the Lord of Quills is saying to me. I think balance continues to be the lesson, my lesson, neither too feeling nor too intellectual, but the perfect dance of the two, back and forth, round and round.

What Would Jane Do?

“The gift of intellect is a blessing, indeed; however, it can become a curse if used as a weapon instead of a device for superior communication.”

December 27, 2009 - Six of Quills (Swords)

What Do I need to Know Today for the Health and Happiness of my heart in 2010?

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Six of Quills depicts a young Frederick Wentworth boarding his first ship, The Asp, a rather dilapidated ship. His offer of marriage has just been rejected by Anne Elliot and he is determined to make his fortune in the British Navy to prove her lack of faith in him misguided. He is sorrowful and angry but resolved.

Years later he will return a sought-after bachelor and Anne will be the pitiable spinster. He believes he is over his love for Anne and, in fact, goes out of his way to be almost cruel to her to show her what she has missed and that he doesn’t care for her. He begins to court another young woman, Louisa Musgrove, pretty but headstrong. The wheel turns; Captain Wentworth realizes how unsuitable Louisa is and how capable and wise, Anne is and by the end of the novel he and Anne are reunited.

The Six of Quills (Swords) is a card of transition. Change is necessary to succeed in whatever realm matters. Sometimes the card suggests you will need to travel in order to broaden your horizons. It could be that only your intellectual horizons need to be broadened. It may be that it is time to move on but you are afraid to. The Six of Quills tells you the way may be choppy but you will end up in a better place. Swords/Quills have to do with the intellect, and the realm of thought, and so the Six of Quills tells you to rely on your intellect. It will see you through the transition and to the other, better side.

What Would Jane Do?

“If your current conditions are unpleasant, know that you have the intelligence and skills to improve your lot in life. Courage and wit will take you far, and it is a fact that fortune favors the brave. Remaining in a situation that brings you little pleasure is self-defeating, and disrespectful of your abilities. Have confidence in yourself and go forth into your future.”

December 26, 2009 - Three of Quills (Swords)

What do I need to know today for the Health and Happiness of my Heart? (There’s more I want to ask, maybe a blueprint of what to do to heal, to find my way to happy. I want a road map and there is only this step by step.)

There are plenty of cards in the suit of swords that strike fear in people. I find I am more sanguine with the sheer despair of the nine of swords, the overkill of the ten. But the three of swords makes my heart ache. It possesses a milagro-like wisdom, like the catholic heart of Jesus wrapped in thorns, pierced by steel. It bespeaks just that kind of pain, the deepest of sorrows, the slow steady seep of tears without beginning or end, not even cleansing, but ache, hurt, throb, pain. I know this card, in its literal broken heart, and its figurative one. I know this card and I don’t hate it, and I don’t fear it. I just bow my head and say “Okay.”

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Three of Swords (Quills) is represented by Jane Bennett (the Queen of the suit) in a garden bower. She is reading a note that tells her the man she loves, Charles Bingley, has left for London and will more than likely not return. The love she thought reciprocated, remained unspoken, and therefore, she has nothing when he leaves. She doesn’t doubt her own feelings, but she does doubt his and his actions. What seemed like love is no more than maybe, perhaps, certainly nothing to count on. She has given her heart totally and realizes now it might not have been wise. Three swords pierce her, the loss of Bingley, the loss of the belief he cared, and the loss of a bright future. Jane knows what she must do, put him from her heart and move on. It doesn’t mean it won’t be painful. It doesn’t even mean she’ll ever completely forget him, or even stop loving him. She knows though there is no future with him and yet she must go on, and determined, she does.

When this card comes up in a reading, you may be in a situation where it seems that someone you care about does not return your sentiments. Check. “You can fall into a spiral of self-loathing, questioning your behavior and appeal.” Check. You could rationally assess the situation (the suit of swords calls for it) and recognize your worth and beauty are not measured by another’s regard or lack of it. Still working on that. (Can you make half a check?) This seems my critical next step, one that doesn’t take away the sorrow but does leave me open to the possibility of happiness in the future. Completely and continuing to immerse myself in sorrow and loss isn’t productive. It led to a literal broken heart to match my figurative one and 12-inch scar where they cracked me open to fix it. I definitely don’t want to go through that again. Bingley ultimately returns to Jane and they marry and find true happiness but I don’t want to hope for that. Not all of us get that particular happy ending. Jane Austen reminds us there are many happy endings, as varied and variable as the people in her stories.

What Would Jane Do?

“There is no life without setbacks and disappointments, but it is within our power to determine how contented we are with the lives we are given. This is not to say that we should welcome sorrow, simply that it is as much a part of life as joy, and it would be hard to recognize one without the other.” P. 105

December 25, 2009 - Lady of Teacups (Queen of Cups)

“So what do I need to know today for my heart’s health and happiness?”

While the Page of Cups (or in the Jane Austen Tarot, the Maiden of Teacups) is a young woman ruled by her emotions (think Marianne Dashwood of Sense and Sensibility, a young woman who throws herself into love and commits her heart completely before knowing if the feelings are returned), the Lady of Teacups is mature enough to be in touch with her emotions but is not ruled by them, an important distinction. The Lady depicted on this card in the Jane Austen Tarot is Jane Bennett, the beautiful elder sister of Elizabeth Bennett in the novel, Pride and Prejudice. She does not know her own loveliness and her humility is not a pose, but part and parcel of her nature.

She admires Charles Bingley, has actually fallen in love with him, but doesn’t make her feelings known. She is so careful, in fact, that there is some doubt of her feelings, and Mr. Darcy urges his friend, Bingley, to move on.

When the Lady of Teacups comes up in a reading, the questioner is a woman of deep feeling who has learned to control her emotions as opposed to having them control her. She may be too feeling and, believing the best of people, may find herself fooled, or worse, her heart committed before she knows whether the feelings are returned in kind. (Yes, this sounds too familiar.) Still, I’m wondering what I need to learn from this card, the “how” of the reading. And then I read on.

The Maiden of cups tends to emotionally self-absorbed. The Lady has moved past this, to empathy. She often knows what those around her feel, better than they do, and she often can be quite psychic. I have been pretty self-absorbed with my pain and loss. I’ve cut myself off from what I know about others and am just now returning to offering that gift of understanding to those I care about. Despite her maturity she can be moody. That sounds familiar. And she can wallow in heartache. That’s me too. Resilience is not her strong suit. So this is where I need to be.

As for the card often representing a woman of significant physical beauty, well, let’s just say that isn’t me. My beauty is of the inside kind, not the outside although, as I age, I find myself wishing to know what it might be like to be beautiful, for heads to turn, for eyes to follow. Not this life.

What Would Jane Do?

“Inner beauty may be rarer than physical appeal, that that does not always increase its worth to the average person in society. However, wise observers will value a loving heart beyond measure when it is coupled with compassionate discernment and a controlled manner. The first quality protects one from being a fool, the second saves one from being extremely wearing.” P. 99

December 24, 2009 - The Nine of Wands (Candlesticks)

"What do I need to know today for my heart's health and happiness, and how do I get there sooner, as opposed to later?"

There is a bit of impatience in me lately, to get to the heart of things, to make the changes, to move on, not surprising really, given what the year brought me. Of course, when you decide on the no nonsense approach, the fast track to where you need to be, expect punches won't be pulled. There are going to be more battles. What comes to mind is Churchill's speech about the Normandy invasion, that it's not the beginning of the end, "But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." God, I hope so. I want to see an end to this. I want peace. I want my equanimity. It does seem though, there will be a price to that achievement.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the suit of wands is represented by candlesticks -- passion, creativity and initiative. Wands/

Candlesticks correspond to the element of Fire, from the slightest spark, to the greatest conflagration, and all the states between. The Nine of Candlesticks depicts Frederica Vernon, the daughter of Lady Susan ( the one Jane Austen Novel I haven't read, although I did once try). Lady Susan is a master manipulator, duplicitous, maybe even evil. She is trying to force her daughter into a loveless marriage and has forbidden her contact with anyone who might help. Frederica, panicked and desperate, summons her courage and pleads her case to one of her mother's suitors, a man she has feelings for, but also a man she can trust, a good man. This act of courage is ultimately rewarded. The man she confides in, Reginald de Courcy, takes her part and asks Lady Susan to give her daughter more time. That time becomes critical, allowing Reginald de Courcy to fall in love with Frederica and Lady Susan's true nature to be revealed.

When the Nine of Candlesticks comes up in a reading, courage and action are required. The situation may feel desperate. You may feel overpowered and outgunned. And yet, there can be triumph "if you dare to act with the courage of your convictions." So where do I need to be courageous? And what courage is required? To speak, or to stay silent? To fight for what I want, what I believe in, what I know? Or to leave it be, to see it as it truly is, to know that's done is done, to turn my back, to move on? I know what you're thinking. Ask for clarification. I would, but these days the small still voice of my intuition is silent and the tarot, well it speaks but I do not always clearly hear it, do not always like what I hear.

So, I guess for now I'll watch and wait and when courage is called for, I will be courageous, not because victory is assured, but because it isn't.

When Life Gives You the Tower, become the Hanged Man

After drawing the Tower today, I decided it might be wise to know what I needed to know for the year to help promote the happiness and health of my heart. I drew The Hanged Man.

According to Joan Bunning and learntarot.com, "The main lesson of the Hanged Man is that we "control" by letting go - we "win" by surrendering. The figure on Card 12 has made the ultimate surrender - to die on the cross of his own travails - yet he shines with the glory of divine understanding. He has sacrificed himself, but he emerges the victor. The Hanged Man also tells us that we can "move forward" by standing still. By suspending time, we can have all the time in the world." The Hanged Man is a koan, the most profound and perplexing of teachings, for me at least. It has been what this last year has been all about. It may be what all the years leading up to this moment have been about, what all the years to follow will be. Give up, give in, flow like water, for any and every plan you make will surely alter, change, and your deepest desires will change with them. Why is this lesson so hard for me?

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Hanged Man is depicted by Fanny Price, the heroine of Mansfield Park. She is helping hanging the curtains for a play she does not approve of. In a few pages, her world will be turned upside down as will the world of the others at Mansfield Park. She will be farther from her dream of Edmund than she ever was from the moment she first set foot in that realm. She will return to her origins, everything gone, and try to find her place there, try to go on. She will in fact, go on, even as those she loved, those she has parted from, will spiral into their own despair and realize what the loss of her means to them. She had to let go before they could realize that.

When the Hanged Man appears in a reading, the feeling may be one of being suspended in time. You hover between action and no action and realize, perhaps for the first time, that non-action is an action, a choice, your choice, for now. There is nothing you can do. Nothing you should do. You hang from the tree at peace because this is your season for sacrifice, for reflection, for wisdom. It must be done and there is no cheating the span of time it takes. This is the price and you pay it willingly. A different face of Equanimity, but equanimity just the same. Be careful what you wish for. "You can't always get what you want/ You can't always get what you want/ You can't always get what you want/ But if you try sometimes you just might find/ You just might find/ You get what you need."

December 23, 2009 - The Tower

"So what do I need to know today for the health and happiness of my heart?" (I have come to think, at least for now, that my path and the health and happiness of my heart, both literal and figurative, may be one and the same.)

The Tower

When the Tower comes up in a reading, my heart sinks. I don't react with terror or fear as much as "again" and "still." It has been a major theme the past few years. And just about the time I think maybe I can start rebuilding, that the wheel of fortune is ready to turn again, bringing me high from the lows, the Tower card comes and tells me "not yet." I wonder as I write this if maybe I'm to move the site of my foundation, build somewhere else. Perhaps this ground cannot sustain me anymore. Perhaps it is not just about rebuilding but about finding somewhere else, a better place to settle, the right place.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Tower is depicted by the crumpled form of Louisa Musgrove. She has jumped for a second time from the steps on the quay. The first time she was successful, the second she suffered a significant head trauma. Everyone mills around, not sure what to do, with the exception of Anne Elliot. She is the only one that bends over the body trying to ascertain the extent of her injuries. There is a certain impulsivity implied in this card. Our own rashness has often led to our transformational changes. At least, mine did, which doesn't make it any easier.

Louisa Musgrove's accident is a pivotal point in the novel, Persuasion. As devastating as it is to all involved, good things come from it, although no one at that moment can see. Captain Wentworth, so angry at Anne for her refusal of him years ago, so determined to hurt her, realizes her worth and the love he still feels for her. Louisa, a poor match for Captain Wentworth, finds during her long recovery, a better match, someone better suited to her temperament.

What would Jane Do?

"Life serves us difficult experiences that we simply must live through, and sometimes it seems as if our particular cloud utterly lacks a silver lining. But we need to realize that while we may be powerless in the face of external events, the one thing we have complete control of is the attitude we take toward them." P. 44

Lemonade out of lemons. As much as I hate that saying, it still holds true.

December 21, 2009 - The Eight of Cups (Teacups)

My Yule log burned fierce and bright last night, a quiet, homey solstice, the first in a long time not filled with longing, sorrow, worry. Even regrets, and unlike Frank I've had more than few, seemed less raw, certainly bearable. The wheel turns, round and round.

Went back to the question, "What do I need to know for the health and happiness of my heart?" It struck me, as I asked it, that sometimes that question won't be enough, that there is not perfect question, that I cycle as the world does, ebb and flow, and oddly I felt at peace about this. Maybe this is my solstice gift, with the coming of the day, the sun, the promise of spring and warmth and bounty. Equanimity was my wish. Equanimity may be my gift. wouldn't that be lovely.

When the Eight of Teacups (Cups) shows up in a reading it means that at last you realize , once and for all, that the past is gone, that done is done, what was true is no longer, and that it's time to move on. The Eight of Cups heralds a time of seeking deeper meaning, moving one, of weariness, in the best of ways that forces us to make changes we resist, and the worst of ways, that make us give up hope. I was the man staring at the cups. For three years I've stared at them trying to make meaning trying to make it read what I want it to, trying, forcing, making. And now it seems, at last I hope, I am that man walking away, moving on, finding his personal truth, abandoning a hopeless situation, and moving on.

Equanimity. May it be so.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Eight of Teacups depicts Fanny Price leaving Mansfield Park. Henry Crawford has asked for her hand. Her Uncle, Sir Thomas Bertram does everything he can to convince her to accept him. He believes the best of Henry Crawford, just as his son, Edmund, believes the best of Henry's sister, Mary. Fanny Price though sees the Crawford's for what they are. She knows she would be terribly matched by Henry. She refuses the proposal and her uncle, in a fit of pique, banishes her from Mansfield Park, the only home she's known. Fanny returns to her family in Portsmouth. Perhaps if she sees the depths to which a poor woman can sink she'll come to her senses and accept Henry Crawford.

When this card comes in a reading, growth is necessary for our development at this time, even if it includes sacrifice and loss. "Life is a series of paths and transitions. Each choice we make, each new path we take, involves giving up at least one thing in order to create room for something else, something greater, something that will expand our worldview." To every thing, there is a season. "Give me one more turn, One more turn of the wheel." (Patti Smith, Gung Ho).

What Would Jane Do?

"Life is a series of planned and unplanned journeys. Many times the expected destination is never reached, and, if it is, the arrival often brings with it unexpected outcomes. It is our responses to these unanticipated happenstances that we show our mettle."

Winter Solstice 2009 - Six of Coins/Eight of Quills

What do I need to know today to move me the right way along my path and bring Health and Happiness to my heart and life? And how do I get there?

Six of Coins - The Six of Coins falls between the lack of the Five and the plenty of the Ten. It is about having and not having -- knowledge, money, power. And when it comes in a reading it asks you to look carefully, look deeper. Maybe the situation is clear, you will get what you want, you will have to defer, but the card asks you to question the obvious and to ask the hard questions..."Why am in the situation I'm in and where is it leading? What's really going on?"

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Six of Coins depicts Anne Elliot and a school friend, Mrs. Smith, a woman down on her luck. Anne is truly generous. She visits her friend, even eschewing the company of the wealthy to spend time with her, not just because Mrs. Smith is needy, not just because it's right, but because Anne understands something crucial about giving, that it is not a one way street, but we are given as we give, sometimes more than we have offered. The scales of justice tip this way and that as they right themselves to even steven. We find out as we read that Mrs, Smith possesses vital information for Anne, information that will help move her along her path, toward her greatest joy, Captain Wentworth. Anne gives time and truly honors her friend and is repaid in kind.

The card is really pretty clear. I'm not sure I need to know "how." The "how" seems implicit in the card. Still, as clear as I think I am, as honest as I believe myself to be, sometimes I hedge my bets. I know the situation I need to see clearly, but I choose not to read it as it is, pretend it's murky, unsure, ask for clearer signs. Why? I don't want to be wrong? Maybe. The end of the beautiful dream? Probably.

Eight of Quills - The one thing I have to say about the Jane Austen Tarot is that it is the iron hand in the velvet glove. It doesn't pull any punches although it tries, I think, to be kind. Yes, I'm anthropomorphizing a Tarot deck, but work with them long enough and you learn they are a particular way with you, or perhaps you are with them. Either way, it doesn't matter.

The image of the Eight of Swords is not a pleasant one. A young woman, bound and blindfolded, is trapped by a ring of swords. No help is coming. She seems helpless, and her home and safety seem far, far away. When this card comes up in a reading, you can be sure the situation you're in has you feeling restricted, confused and powerless. Ok, Jane Austen Tarot, could get anymore pointed?

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Eight of Quills depicts Edmund Bertram of Mansfield Park watching the beguiling and amoral Mary Crawford play the harp. She is lovely, elegant, and Edmund is smitten. Mary though, is not a good match for him, she is everything he is not, and he cannot see so blinded is he by her charms.

Aleister Crowley called the Eight of Quills/Swords the "Lord of Interference." Thoughts, expand, swell, fill our minds but thoughts aren't reality, and as much as we future, it doesn't make it so. Edmund believes the best of Mary, that she is selfless, caring, all the things she isn't. Our minds do that, delude and deny, cloak our loves in trappings that aren't theirs. We forget their human and, lost in love and loving, we forget we are too.

What Would Jane Do?

"While love induces an enviable state of bliss, it is also akin to a form of madness. Rationality and discernment go out the window at the appearance of "fine eyes" or a fine figure. Love may be the nectar of the gods, but when humans imbibe of the divine drink, they often do not have the head to handle it. Be sure you sober up before making any lifelong commitments -- they are often decided upon in haste and repented at leisure."

Thanks Jane.

December 20, 2009 - The World & The Five of Teacups

I'm beginning to realize that it's not enough to know what I need to know but how to get there. The question "What do I need to know today...." only gets me so far. The devil, they say, is in the details, and the Five of Cups is the details. I'm developing a better sense of the depth of the Minor Arcana these days. The big picture is important. They are the horizon. But the Minor Arcana are the small, everyday acts that make up our days, they are the step by step path to get us there.

The World is a lovely card, about integrating, accomplishing, healing, savoring. It is a card of blessing and of knowing it, feeling it. When it shows up in a reading it tells you that you are close to achieving your heart's desire. It represents the kind of gift that's earned, something you've worked hard for, given much to get more. It is the last card of the Major Arcana, but not really for The Fool is truly the Alpha and the Omega and frankly any place along life's path it wants to be.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, The World is represented much as it is in the Rider-Waite - a flowering circle, the four elements in each corner. The woman or androgyne in the Rider-Waite Tarot is replaced by the loving couple, Emma Woodhouse and George Knightley. In Jane's world though, a woman dancing alone would not be a happy ending, and I suppose the same is true of mine. According to Diane Wilkes, the author of the Jane Austen Tarot, "The scene depicted in this card is the wedding of two souls who have grown in harmony with themselves and with one another. The flowering bush symbolizes not just their love, but also the garden of lives in bloom, despite and because of the travails of the world."

"Great," I think. "Worldly success. Happiness. Fulfillment." The best you could ask for in a reading. Then why is it so hard to imagine where I am and how I will possibly today get to this card, the World? I'm not in "The World" kind of space. Which leads me to ask the second question, the vital one, "how do I get there?" I want to be grateful. I want to be fulfilled. I want the wholeness The World card represents, the happiness implied in the Jane Austen Tarot's interpretation.

My "how" of today is the Five of Cups. I think the representation in the Rider-Waite Tarot, that dark, cloaked figure sorrowing over the three spilled cups, ignoring or forgetting the two still standing, is pretty fitting, much more appropriate to my circumstances than the Jane Austen Tarot depiction of George Wickham recounting his "sad" story to Elizabeth Bennett. Have I been guilty of dwelling on the worst of the last years as opposed to the best? Yes. Has my grief at times bordered on the extreme? Yes. I am reminded today of my Grandmother when my grandfather died. She would be conversing with us, living her life, and someone would knock on the door, a friend come to commiserate, and my Grandmother would switch to sorrow, not just tears, but wails that wold last the visit, and then she would be back to Grandma. This was how she channeled her grief and how space was made for it in her society, something we don't really have here. I had to get on with things, to keep a stiff upper lip, to keep working, keep mothering, doing all the things I needed to do, all the things people expected of me. My tears came in the late hours, in the dark, in the shower, in the few places that were mine alone. But time has passed and I wonder if grief has becomes more habit and history, than something real and deep. I wonder if I have found my own way to my Grandmother's drama and now it's time to move on.

What Would Jane Do?

"Life, by its very nature, contains disappointments both minor and severe. A sensitive person is likely to exaggerate the former and wallow in the latter. Look at your current situation and determine if you are truly giving yourself an appropriate and necessary time to grieve -- or if your response is out of proportion to the specific situation in question. It may even be necessary to examine your own role in your current state of unhappiness; unless you wish to make bewailing your state of affairs your modus operandi, you may want to break patterns of behavior that have kept you in less than sanguine circumstances."

December 19, 2009 - The Two of Quills (Swords)

The Two of Swords is a card of decisions, or actually, that point just before, when you are weighing your options, that pause, that breath, that should I? There's no clear path and so you close your eyes, still yourself, and listen to that small, quiet voice that tells you what to do.

Of course the assumption is you can hear that small, quiet voice. I'm not sure anymore that I can. I have come to live in the moment since my bypass, but when it comes to should I or shouldn't I, life seems to be teaching me there are no shoulds, that every moment is fluid, that myriad possibilities come and go with every breath, every step.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Two of Quills is represented by Jane Fairfax, from Emma. On one side, Mrs. Elton urges Jane to choose the governess position she has found for her. A well-educated young lady with minimal prospects needs gainful employment if she cannot marry well. Mrs. Elton knows this and has found a position for Jane, unasked. On the other side of Jane kneels Frank Churchill, a handsome young man adopted by a wealthy family, who has secretly proposed marriage to Jane but will not announce it for fear that his adopted family will disapprove and disown him. As if this is not enough, Frank Churchill is a bit of a flirt. When he arrives in Highbury, he begins to flirt with Emma in front of Jane, causing Jane to doubt his intentions. She wants to trust Frank Churchill, her heart tells her she can, but logic tells her she needs to make it in the world, find a way to support herself, that Frank can't be trusted.

What Would Jane Do?

"When you feel you are unable to make a decision that you know both logically and emotionally to be correct, inaction is preferable to action. Decisions based on logic must be lived by someone with a heart, whereas a decision made quickly and emotionally is bound to be repented at leisure. Sooner or later, circumstance will demand that a choice be made, but conditions will inform that decision, so it will be more wisely made." (p. 103)

December 18, 2009 - Death

When the Death card comes up in a reading, I can't help but sigh. I understand as a card, despite the skeleton riding the pale horse, that it seldom represents actual death, but I find that of little comfort. Metaphorical deaths are painful, maybe just as painful as the real thing, maybe more. Material beings that we are, endings are as much a part of us as beginnings, death all part of the cycle, our cycle. And yet ....

The last few years have been full of endings, changes. I came close to death in the form of several heart attacks and bypass surgery. At this point, to be confronted by death once again, to face just one more major and transformational end seems nearly overwhelming. "Again? Really?" To everything there is a season and the wheel turns and that's supposed to provide comfort, and yet ....

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Death card depicts Henry Dashwood, the patriarch of the novel Sense and Sensibility. The novel actually begins with his death. From this one event, devastating to the women in his life, his daughters, his second wife, a novel unfolds and while because it is a Jane Austen book we can assume there will be weddings by the end, the how of it and the who of it, the when and where of it, are the stuff of story, of us. It's easier to remember looking at this card, that the pain of endings can lead to remarkable and unimagined beginnings, that though we may "see" our future stretch before us as an unalterable course, it is only our imagination and anything and everything is possible, things we never even considered.

The Death card also talks about legacies, suggesting maybe it's time to think about them, plan for them, because you never know. I had my lesson this last year on sudden and life altering changes, on how quickly and irrevocably, things can happen, ends can come. Have I said what needs to be said to those I love? Have I given them all I wanted to? We need to expect the unexpected, or at least prepare for them. They're going to come, unexpected gifts, hurts that may be blessings in disguise, that's a given. We best be ready to ride out the storms.

What Would Jane Do?

"While death is not a subject one enjoys discussing, it's a subject that employs -- and enjoys -- the final word. Death is an aggravating reminder that preparation for the future must be both thorough and far-sighted. that our legacies are uncertain, and that none of us are immune from its bony fingers....Unalterable change may seem a bitter pill on initial ingestion, yet as the stages of the meal of life are placed upon our table, we may find the resultant foodstuffs unexpectedly to our taste. Bitter or sweet, we must continue to consume the fare we are served, in the order in which it is served. Digestion is, of course, another matter entirely."

December 17, 2009 - The Seven of Teacups/Temperance

Sometimes when you ask a question of Tarot, the same card comes up again and again. Usually, in fact most of the time, the information is something you need to hear over and over, something that hasn't quite sunk in. Thick skull comes to mind, especially with me. There are things I know but I refuse to KNOW, until the universe and life pummels me into recognition and ultimately acceptance. For me, acceptance can take a long, long time. We're talking years. Yes, my skull is that thick, my denial that strong.

I've gotten the Seven of Teacups before. I know I'm in love with love. I know I am dazzled by possibilities. I know I turn toward fantasy instead of reality. Do I KNOW this? Maybe not yet, not the way I have to KNOW it to stop spinning pretty dreams and live in the world and of it. I suppose I'll see if this particular lesson is at last sinking in.

Sometimes though, what you need to know doesn't tell you how to get to a place beyond it. I can KNOW I tend toward the Seven of Cups, but how do I move beyond it? That's when you ask the clarifying question. It's funny how I try so hard to get that one question right, and when it comes to this second one, it's simply "how?"

Temperance was my clarifying card. In the Rider-Waite deck, Temperance is an angel with a foot in water and earth, conscious and unconscious. It is a card of balance, finding it, maintaining it, healing, flourishing. In the Jane Austen Tarot, Temperance is depicted by Emma Woodhouse and Jane Fairfax. These two women know each other, but come from two different worlds. Both are beautiful, both accomplished. Each though dwell in extremes of a sort, Emma a foolish embracing of status, of "assumptions," dwelling on the surface as opposed to truly knowing, Jane, accomplished but without status, living secrets, trusting someone who might not be trustworthy with her most precious gift, her heart. Each woman would be better, balanced, by some incorporating of the other. An all or nothing mentality benefits no one. Ahhhhhhh. Balance. The Libran quest, that ephemeral equinox moment we try to extend, maintain, recover.

"When the Temperance card appears in a reading it is time to note where we need to be more expressive and open like Emma -- or in areas in which, like Jane, it would behoove us to be more languid and discreet. The angel that appears on this (and most) Temperance cards reminds us that we humans can invoke the heavenly realms by virtuous actions. Tempering our selves with concerted effort and a devotion to inner and outer balance brings us one step closer to that angelic being." p. 41.

What Would Jane Do?

"Candor and discretion must go hand in hand ... an even keel will get us through even the most querulous waters."

December 16, 2009 - Knight of Quills (Swords)

The Major Arcana in the Tarot mark profound, archetypal moments in life. We circle through them as we move from birth to death, spiral around them, slip backwards and forwards. When they show up in a reading, usually major events are afoot, the kind of things that transform you. The Minor Arcana, the suits of cups, wands, swords and pentacles, may echo the themes of the Majors, but in a daily way, the small losses, the small joys, the myriad changes, the ends and beginnings that mark our days. The Court cards though, have always proved more difficult for me to interpret. Am I this card? Should I be? Does it represent someone coming into my life? someone I already know? Is it an energy I should embrace or one I should beware of?

Today I picked the Knight of Quills (in the Jane Austen Tarot, swords in the Rider-Waite deck). In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Knight of Quills is depicted by Frank Churchill, a rich and handsome young man in Emma. Austen writes in Pride and Prejudice, "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife." Frank is a young, single man of good fortune and so, in Jane's world, his marital prospects become of primary importance to the women of Highbury. Frank is not single, though he pretends to be. He is secretly engaged to Jane Fairfax, a beautiful young woman of limited fortune. In the novel, he delights in teasing Jane, in pretending interest in other women. He is calculating and deceitful, not malicious as much as self-serving.

Air of Air is the astrological attribution of the Knight of Quills (Swords). He possesses speed, wit, intelligence, and a decided self-interest unleavened by emotional vulnerability. Which doesn't mean he doesn't love, only that he is deliberate and calculating, even in love. This isn't me, but I do know this Knight, loved this Knight, and found myself as devastated as Emma might have been had she fallen for Frank Churchill's charms.

So what does the Knight have to teach me? What has he come to say? "Take action. Move quickly and surely, with all your wits about you." Hmmmm. At a still point in my life, at the eye of the storm of the last few years, I can't seem to hear that still quiet voice inside, I don't know what to do. I live each day, stay within the outlines of a life already drawn. I'm not really acting. Not really. The questions of what now? what next? still hover round, my constant companions. Take action? And do what? Isn't that the $64.00 question.

What Would Jane Do?

"High spirits and youth are as natural a match as romance and ladies of a certain age. Yet heedless, undirected spirits can precipitate heartache as much as overly romantic recklessness can ruin an entire family. Cleverness untempered with kindness is memorable only for the pain it causes in others. When intelligence is subservient to compassion and wisdom, the journey may be less diverting, but it will also prove to be more harmonious."

December 15, 2009 - Seven of Teacups (cups)

What do I need to know today to move me along my true path and to foster the health and happiness of my heart?

The Seven of Cups is a card of options. It can also be a card of wishful thinking, and perhaps over indulgence. So which is it? Do I have options? Yes. More I suspect than I think I do. Wishful thinking? God, yes. I future possibilities with a fervor and skill, devote such energy to what could be, that if put that energy into my "real" life, it would surpass even my hopes and dreams, my wild imaginings. Over-indulgence? Sure. That doesn't always mean drugs, alcohol, food, sex. No I over-indulge in grief, in emotions, in love, in hope.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Seven of Teacups depicts a young woman sipping a cup of tea, lost in dreamy reverie of love. The young woman is Harriet Martin, one of the characters in Emma, and a young woman in love with love. She falls deeply, when she falls in love, and with little discernment regarding the object of her affections. She refuses the honest affections of a worthy man, Robert Martin, because Emma puffs her up, makes her think she is worthy of more, a higher social standing, as if that can more than make up for true affection, or that they go hand in hand. In the span of the novel, Harriet Martin falls in love with Robert Martin, Mr. Elton, Mr. Knightly, and finally Robert Martin again, whose steady affection finally wins her heart.

What lessons then is Harriet here to teach? Oh, I think I know. Harriet's imagination runs wholly to the subject of love. I may be middle aged but love does preoccupy me. Discernment and discrimination are vital in all of the things that most move our heart, and yet these are often the very things we let run away with us. I've got a pretty decent mind but do I use it in the things I'm passionate about. No. Harriet builds great loves out of castles in the air and doesn't see true love when it stands plainly and honestly in front of her. I've done that, do that, discount the true steady love I have because it doesn't look a particular way, feel a particular way, act a particular way. I am a dreamy romantic under the seeming pragmatism of a sixth house sun, and as Jane Austen so deftly points out, I need protection from reality, but mostly from myself.

The astrological assignment of the Seven of Teacups is Venus in Scorpio. The goddess of love (Venus) in that emotional sign can tend to be focused on beautiful and watery fantasies as opposed to terra firma. And if you're going to build castles, it might be better to avoid uncertain seas and choose instead solid ground.

So What Would Jane Do?

"Our imagination is a pet creature of out constitution. It reflects its master -- or its servant -- well.... A good imagination is a fine quality -- in a mind that is equipped to use it well." (p. 88)

December 14, 2009 - Eight of Coins

So what do I need to know today for my heart's health and happiness? Still refining the question, as you can see. I feel a bit like Aladdin given a set number of wishes and trying to cover every base within the magical parameters. Not sure where we get the idea that magic is limited, that we only get so much luck, love, happiness. Maybe from fairy tales themselves.

The Eight of Pentacles is a card of success brought by hard work, painstaking work, increasing knowledge and expertise, and paying careful attention to detail. It's a craftsman's card, signifying a time of hard but beloved work nearly done.

Since I wasn't specific about the realm, I have to wonder where in life am I a craftsman and where do I dedicate myself -- family, speech pathology, writing, love? I suppose it could be all of them although I can't imagine a more exhausting thought then trying to be an "expert" in all of them. I'm of the ebb and flow, the turn of the wheel, to everything there is a season school. So what season is this for me?

In the Jane Austen Tarot, this card is associated with Anne Elliot, the heroine of Persuasion, an older but wiser unmarried woman of 27 (gasp! but I understand the time in which Jane was writing and that a woman of this age could, like Charlotte Lucas, fear ever making a match, let alone one based on love). Anne is the most capable member of her family. She is the master of many skills, including running a household, managing children, budgeting, compassion, clear-thinking in times of emergency, and passionate, despite her age and dwindling prospects. While I would love to think myself lovely and lively Elizabeth Bennett, I have always felt myself more closely aligned with Anne Elliot, which is perhaps why I reread Persuasion again and again, to catch the face of hope.

The astrological assignment for this card is Sun in Virgo, supporting a precise yet grounded approach to life. Virgo is ruled by Mercury, suggesting this sign, at it's best, is both practical and intelligent. With a sixth house sun (the sixth house being the natural house of Virgo) then, it isn't at all surprising this practicality is an essential part of my being, though it is colored by the lens of Libra.

So what does it mean, this Eight of Coins? Have I achieved a level of mastery in a particular field or, like Anne, in many fields? Am I just the unseen hand behind many projects and possibilities, helping them toward success without any recognition? Perhaps, as the Jane Austen Tarot suggests, I've gone as far as I can in one realm and it is time to move on to greener pastures, to bigger and better things. I am a person who always thinks of herself as an apprentice in every realm, becoming and becoming but never quite "being." I've finally decided I can call myself a writer, but just a novice. I am a good speech pathologist, but certainly not gifted. I consider myself a "good enough" mother, but not great. You get the picture. Because this card is the suit of coins, it speaks to creating tangible things like art, music, crafts, writing. So I'd like to think it speaks to a new period in my writing, a certain level of craftsmanship achieved, greater success in my endeavors. I think this would be vital to my heart's happiness, and therefore, to my health as well.

What would Jane Do?

"We all know industrious souls who achieve much, but have not the discernment to achieve well.... Alternately, there are those whose ideas are brilliant, but come to naught. Potential without application is pure vapour. When Labor and intellect align, however, the results seem divinely inspired."