A slightly new question today as I keep trying to refine what I ask. Of course it strikes me as I write this that consistency may not be the goal. Some days my path might dominate my thoughts and others, like today, my heart in all its incarnations -- physical, emotional, spiritual. So that's what I ask: What do I need to know today for the physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being of my heart?
Nine of Quills (Nine of Swords). Hmmmmm.
Swords as a suit, represent the element of Air, the realm of thought. The cards are often disturbing, the swords I think and the associations with battle responsible for the negative connotations. And our thoughts are often at war with each other, at war with us. Thoughts are powerful, as anyone who understands the mind-body connection can tell you. I can remember lying in the hospital before my bypass, hearing the news from my surgeon, my heart rate rising, my blood pressure with it, the nurse saying, "calm down, think calm thoughts" as the heart attack began and at that point fear and worry and pain swept me away.
In the Jane Austen Tarot, the suit of Swords is represented by Quills, in honor of Jane as a writer and the saying, "the pen is mightier than the sword." On the Nine of Quills we see Catherine Morland, the heroine of Northanger Abbey, in her bed, the candle lit and throwing indecipherable shadows against the wall. If you've read Northanger Abbey then you know Catherine has a love of gothic novels and an imagination which runs away from her. Her instincts are often true but her explanations for those feelings, are often ridiculous and get her into trouble. She is right to fear General Tilney. He does not have her best interests at heart, nor the best interests of his children either. When he thinks Catherine is an heiress, he welcomes her to his home, courts her for his son. When he realizes she is poor, he sends her away and admonishes his son to have nothing to do with her or risk losing everything.
Catherine though doesn't see the avarice. She sees malice. She lets her love of gothic novels rule her, run away with her common sense. She grows sure that the General has murdered his wife and so, along with the devastation of being expelled from the house, she also suffers the embarrassment of her own wild and baseless thoughts.
Like Catherine Morland, I too possess an active imagination, able to see the myriad ways things can go wrong and sure they will. Of course I hope for the best. Cn one be an optimistic pessimist? A pessimistic optimist? If so, that's me. I already knew everything the surgeon was telling me. The Cardiologist had come in and gently explained that a bypass was really the best and only hope. I had already met with the surgical nurse and the anesthesiologist. So why did the surgeon set me off? Maybe he made it more real. Maybe, with hours to stew, I was dwelling on all the things that could go wrong, sure they would.
And it's not just surgery. I have sen the "end" of relationships, sure they were inevitable, and find myself still involved with the person although our relationship has changed, sometimes markedly. Things change, that's true, but life seems to go on and we with it, and even the horror of open heart surgery fades over time. How can I help my heart in every way? Stay in the present and use my active imagination to solve problems as they do come, as opposed to dwelling always in the realm of possibility, dealing with problems that aren't mine, that don't exist, that may never occur. I've come to live much more in the present since my surgery. The Nine of Quills is my reminder to keep this practice, to stay present tense, to write my story as it unfolds instead of leaping to my ending.
So What Would Jane Do?
"There is more to fear in the trial and tribulations of society than in the goriest gothic novel. Being judged on social standing and properties rather than ones innate abilities, is more likely to result in physical, mental, and emotional suffering than any visit to a threatening precipice, or anything hidden in a cave or a closet. The things we fear most often never come to pass, yet our instinctive repulsions need to be honored, for what our soul shrinks at in novels may take more pernicious -- and mundane -- form in real life. An active and experienced mind will ultimately be able to discriminate between real and imaginary foes." (p. 115)
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