January 12, 2010 - The Three of Swords

When you ask about love, this is not the card you want to see. I've known this particular pain, the stabbing thrust into my heart both literally and figuratively the past few years. As would be expected in any card dealing with swords (thoughts and intellect) some of those swords were thrust by me. We are often our worst enemies, hurting ourselves more than anyone else could for we ourselves so well, know just where to aim the blow so it draws the most blood, hurts the worst.

When the Three of Swords comes up in a reading, there's heartbreak, loneliness, betrayal. It could be inflicted upon you but there's also the possibility that you're doing the inflicting. That's the thing about the cards. They ask you to push away the veils and to see the world and yourself as truly as you can. And the thing is, we're human. We make mistakes. We are hurt, but just as often we hurt others. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

So why the Three of Hearts? Recently a friend of my found love at last. I haven't heard from her since. And while I'm so glad for her, the sting of loss is all too familiar, an echo of a loss of love I'm just now, at last, on the other side of. Part of me wants to confront her, to tell her how much she's hurt me. But another part, the sadder but wiser part, knows it's too easy to fall into harsh words, to say something I can't take back. That part of me has come to the conclusion that this may be the way of the world, certainly that there is a lack in me that I cannot hold the flame of our friendship through weeks and months of silence. I have learned something from that failed relationship. I supposes we'll see if I learned enough.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Three of Swords (Quills) depicts Jane Bennett of Pride and Prejudice reading the letter sent by Caroline Bingley, a woman she thought was a friend, telling her that her brother does not love Jane and that his intentions are turned toward another. Jane is heartbroken but strong. She does not give in to her sorrow, drown in it. Rather she moves on. Her heart is true but resilient enough to hope for another love but not turn down the return of her love when he does ultimately declare himself. I never related much to Jane. She is too kind, too good-tempered, too beautiful. I am flawed. And yet I can be inspired by her to be strong at the loss of friendship and love. I suppose in the scheme of things, they are not loss at all since thy were not true in the first place. And so it goes, the Wheel of Fortune rising and falling, we learning, growing, becoming thanks to life's surprises, including the Three of Swords, maybe especially the Three of Swords.