February 6, 2010 - The Queen of Wands

The Queen of Wands is back again, wielding her sunflower and budding staff. The question was about friendship, what I needed to know. I am an introverted person, pursuing depth with a few as opposed to breadth with many. We were born into a world of duality - night/day; man/woman; yes/no; up/down. When I teach concepts to kids, I nearly always teach the opposite at the same time. It's the best way to give them a referent. How can you know up without down, day without night, dark without light? I keep thinking I'm a shades of gray person but I come face to face, time again, with my own propensity for black and white.

The Queen of Wands is attractive, makes friends easily. She's wholehearted, doesn't hold back. She is cheerful and self-assured. I wonder if she keeps coming to be because these are parts of myself I've never owned. I've stayed quiet and deep, few and far between. I don't give much of myself, at least not easily and when I do I give too much, there is a desperate quality I think to my intensity, as if my whole world rests on those few shoulders, which it may but it's not a healthy way for me to live, I have found out, when people leave as they do, when things end (as they must I suppose although that's a hard one for me to write definitively. I'm not sure I believe it, at least don't want to). So why does she keep coming up in readings? I think she's trying to get me to stretch myself, to access those parts of me I never thought I had or had so neglected, they are weak with disuse.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Queen of Wands (Lady of Candlesticks) is depicted by Elizabeth Bennet of the novel Pride and Prejudice. Lizzie moves from the beginning of the novel, where she is the maiden, to the end, where she is queen. I wonder if she is meant to instill hope, that all of us are becoming, that who we are is a process, a constant unfolding, that life requires patience, endurance, and hope, most of all hope. I think too, for me at least, Elizabeth is a reminder to be myself, to trust the world enough to be authentic and to know there will be people who will cherish that as there will be people who won't and that there are no guarantees. Justice is a lovely theory but not a way to live. Do we really want the life we deserve, with all the paybacks for all the petty and major wrongs we inflict? No, lucky for us life is merciful and sometimes full of grace and we get so much more than we deserve.