April 2, 2010 - The Page of Swords

A year out of bypass surgery, I wonder if I've done all I am supposed to, all I need to.  Hippocrates wrote: "A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses."   I've been spending the last year trying to do just that, trying to find a more balanced way of being and trying to let go of the things that no longer serve, that hurt more than heal.  


I asked about one of those things today.  I thought my surgery and recovery would lead to some sort of surety, an end one way or the other.  It was a lot of pressure to put on a year, however transformational.  And of course life is rarely that cut and dried, that black and white.  


In the Tarot, the Pages bring experience and energy, typically through challenges.  They foretell of opportunities for significant growth.  You know, those "afogs" (another f***ing opportunity for growth) we love to say no thank you to but usually don't get the chance to turn down.  The Page of Swords asks you to use your mind, be truthful, be just, demonstrate fortitude.  It asks you to embrace the difficult situations, use your gifts and prevail.  You can prevail.  The Page is that promise.  Use the gifts of the suit of swords -- honesty, reason, integrity and fortitude -- and you will prevail.  


In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Maiden of Quills (the Page of Swords) is depicted by Emma Woodhouse, the heroine of Emma.  Emma is clever, sometimes too clever.  She is smart, but not wise.  She thinks, makes judgments, but they are based on the mind and not her heart.  In fact, for such a smart woman, she is clueless about her own feelings.  She doesn't recognize she's in love with George Knightley until it seems too late.  She has been organizing everyone else's love lives, rather poorly it turns out, and ignoring her own.


I'm not really sure how this all fits my question.  I suspect I have been more smart than wise and much of my suffering the past few years has come from not truly understanding and respecting my own heart.  Like Emma I have been clever but at the risk of losing what I hold most dear.  Hmmmm.  Time to ponder this and if I come to any conclusions, I'll keep you posted.