April 2, 2010 - The Page of Swords

A year out of bypass surgery, I wonder if I've done all I am supposed to, all I need to.  Hippocrates wrote: "A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses."   I've been spending the last year trying to do just that, trying to find a more balanced way of being and trying to let go of the things that no longer serve, that hurt more than heal.  


I asked about one of those things today.  I thought my surgery and recovery would lead to some sort of surety, an end one way or the other.  It was a lot of pressure to put on a year, however transformational.  And of course life is rarely that cut and dried, that black and white.  


In the Tarot, the Pages bring experience and energy, typically through challenges.  They foretell of opportunities for significant growth.  You know, those "afogs" (another f***ing opportunity for growth) we love to say no thank you to but usually don't get the chance to turn down.  The Page of Swords asks you to use your mind, be truthful, be just, demonstrate fortitude.  It asks you to embrace the difficult situations, use your gifts and prevail.  You can prevail.  The Page is that promise.  Use the gifts of the suit of swords -- honesty, reason, integrity and fortitude -- and you will prevail.  


In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Maiden of Quills (the Page of Swords) is depicted by Emma Woodhouse, the heroine of Emma.  Emma is clever, sometimes too clever.  She is smart, but not wise.  She thinks, makes judgments, but they are based on the mind and not her heart.  In fact, for such a smart woman, she is clueless about her own feelings.  She doesn't recognize she's in love with George Knightley until it seems too late.  She has been organizing everyone else's love lives, rather poorly it turns out, and ignoring her own.


I'm not really sure how this all fits my question.  I suspect I have been more smart than wise and much of my suffering the past few years has come from not truly understanding and respecting my own heart.  Like Emma I have been clever but at the risk of losing what I hold most dear.  Hmmmm.  Time to ponder this and if I come to any conclusions, I'll keep you posted.

March 10, 2010 - The Page of Swords

In the thick of a cold, I focus on the day to day. The big themes and variations of my life take a back seat to just getting by. So I wasn't particularly enthusiastic when I asked my question. I kept it simple, not expecting much: What do I need to know today to help me find happiness? And once again the Tarot gave me food for thought, proving there are no easy questions, no dumb ones. Maybe there are rhetorical questions, ones we the answers to, and yet maybe we need to ask them and to hear those answers. Maybe we need those reminders to keep us on our path or to find our way back to it if we've wandered off.

When pages come up in a reading they are typically messengers. Growth opportunities are coming our way, typically in the form of challenges and dilemmas. The point is to make us to stronger. To help us know ourselves at the very core of our being. The challenges of the pages in general are meant to test our mettle and sometimes we just don't want our mettle tested. I suppose we have a choice but my experience of the pages is we don't. The trial comes. We have to act, even when we choose not to.

The Page of Swords asks you to use your mind. Analyze the situation, using logic and reason. You re-examine your beliefs, study and research the facts. You think everything through. The Page also asks you to be truthful. Act honestly, speak directly, stop deceiving, including yourself. I tend to be pretty honest but there are areas I haven't been, and that dishonesty took a heavy toll. No more, my heart says. You can't survive it. The Page calls us to be just, to do what you know is right. It also asks us to strong, have fortitude, to face problems squarely, refuse to be discouraged, keep your chin up and head high (maybe why I'm taking so many pictures of sky and clouds lately).

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Page of Swords (Maiden of Quills) depicts Emma Woodhouse at the beginning of the novel. Emma thinks she's smart, wise even. She claims a hand in the marriage of her governess to Mr. Weston. And when she meets Harriet Smith, a pretty, young woman of unknown parentage, Emma decides she knows best, molding Harriet's opinions, urging her toward particular sentiments, none of which work out. By the end of the novel Emma realizes smart isn't wise and that if you do not know your own heart, it might be best not to think you know the hearts of others.

Being clever can be a good thing, but a quick mind can be a terrible thing to waste and if it's not taught discipline and humility, the results can be hurtful and painful. There's something in this card of being too smart for your own good. Also there is a lack of empathy, focusing so much on machinations you forget people's lives are involved. I also get a sense of pride, of being just a wee bit too smart for your own good, and finding yourself, as I often do, in the thick of a mess, my heart hurt the worst of all. Food for thought, as always. Now pass me a Kleenex.