March 31, 2010 - Six of Cups

More cups.  It's odd to be in a time that seems ripe for pentacles, for lack and loss, for building security, and to have all these promising cards about emotional happiness and love.  If I needed any other reminder that my life is about learning balance, these plentiful cups, these grails, hold out the promise of life's blessings to a thirsty soul.

The Six of Cups is a sweet card and one of my favorites.  It's a card of good will, innocence, and childhood.  It reminds us to act kindly and charitably and to remember how blessed we are.  It asks you to appreciate simple joys, to let yourself feel contentment, to be content.  It's also a playful card, encouraging the reader to feel carefree.  It's a card of small, sweet gestures that are sometimes barely noticed but so important.  It is these small acts of generosity that make up the majority of life's blessings.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Six of Teacups depicts Edmund Bertram of Mansfield Park consoling Fanny Price.  In a place of false connections, theirs is a true and real relationship, filled with caring and love.  Edmund values Fanny's loyalty, sincerity, and her affectionate heart.  And Fanny sees in Edmund, her best friend and ultimately gives him her heart.  When this card shows up in a reading, it asks you to look at the emotional bonds in your life.  Are they even?  If not, this card asks you to bring them in balance.  This card also suggests a friendship that can become the foundation of a romantic love.  Such a love will be stronger for the honest intimacy that is the basis for the relationship.  The card can also suggest a rather childish way of viewing a situation.  Edmund holds on to his young feelings for Fanny and never imagines that hers have deepened, or his own.

What Would Jane Do?
"Words of kindness can provide balm in the worse times, deeds of kindness stir the soul, but a combination of the two are an ideal foundation for any relationship." p. 87

How will the Six of Cups manifest in my life?  I'm not sure but I'll keep you posted.

March 30. 2010 - Ten of Cups

This seems a wonderfully auspicious card to get on the day of an astrological reading.  Actually, when life is giving you lemons, it's a  perfect, hopeful card.  It is a card not of mere contentment or happiness, but true joy.  It's a card also of peace and harmony, without and within.  Finally, the appearance of this card often signals a time of abundant blessings.  I could use some of that right now.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Ten of Teacups depicts two couples just wed, Jane Bennett and Carles Bingley and Elizabeth Bennett and Fitzwilliam Darcy.  After overcoming many obstacles, the two couples finally wed.  This is depicted on the Four of Teacups.  The Ten of Teacups reveals the joy of this commitment.  It represents a felicitous home life.

The Ten of Teacups is a card of joy, peace, and felicity realized at last.  It doesn't come without work.  This card tells you that your hard work will be rewarded, my hard work will be rewarded.  It's been a hard road the last couple of years. It would be nice to reap some rewards, to know joy and peace and abundant blessings.

I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring, but for now I'm enjoying this promise of rainbows and good times.

March 29, 2010 - The Ace of Cups

This is tax season.  Bad news seems to come with the territory.  Last year I had multiple heart attacks and bypass surgery and I paid a bunch in taxes.  This year no heart attacks thankfully but still a hefty tax bill.  So finances were on my mind when I asked my question this morning and what came up was a card about emotions and love.  Hmmmmm.


Joan Bunning writes that when this card comes up, love is the essence of the situation.  I've been reading Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything and exploring how my relationship with food mirrors my relationship with the world.  I'm not a binger so there's much in it I don't get, yet I've had a life of weight issues and know at the core is something deeper than cut down calories and exercise more, as great as that advice is.  I'm still working on understanding my relationship with food and love or lack of love, food and fear, food and control but I suspect it's not just food that's my issue.  I come from a long line of shoppers and women who live at their financial edge.  I know my feelings about life and love, about the generosity of the universe, about my lovability and the people I love, are all part of this deep core understanding of the world which I'm just beginning to touch the edges of.  


The Ace of Cups is all about getting in touch with your feelings and letting your heart lead the way.  It asks you to open, to express your deep feelings.  It is also a card about developing your intuition, trusting your inner voice, responding to messages from within, experiencing a direct knowing (something I need a lot of work on these days, getting to know that small still voice within).  


The Ace of Cups is also about falling in love and experiencing intimacy.  You develop a relationship, get close to someone, go to a deeper level.  It just may be, as trite as it sounds, that it is time to learn and love myself.  I chase relationships.  I cling to friendships when they are obviously done.  I am sure I am not worth knowing and so when people leave, when friends drift, when lovers move on, I take it as a confirmation of what I already know.  It's a familiar story, an old story for me, and yet it doesn't make it any less true or powerful.  No wonder I cling to food as the only love I can count on.  


The Ace of Cups is also about proceeding with love, forgiving and forgetting, responding sympathetically.  I am just as deserving and just as hungry for that love, for that forgiveness, for that understanding as anyone.  It may be time to give to myself after giving so much to others out of love but also fear.  The Ace of Cups is a perfect card for getting to the crux of why I am where I am and what I can do about it.  It also tells me that it's possible, that the seeds are sown.  I just need to tend them and have patience.  The tending I can do; the patience I will have to work on.  


According to the Jane Austen Tarot, the Ace of Teacups is a card of opening to the power of love.  It is depicted by a steaming teacup atop the novel Emma.  Emma is an intelligent young woman who doesn't pay attention to her heart.  She's headstrong but not heartsmart and the novel reveals her awakening to her own deep feelings.  I will also add that Emma is prepared to limit her life to please her father and to care for him.  She thinks it's either/or.  I am a lot like Emma in that way.  It is hard for me to see how to lead an emotionally fulfilling life and do my duty.  They seem mutually exclusive although I suspect, they are not.  The Ace of Teacups presages the opening of the querent's heart by love and with love, for love.  


As for what it means for me, well, I'll keep you posted.

March 28, 2010 - Nine of Wands

So today I asked: "What is the most important thing I need to know to make my move to Santa Barbara a reality in the next two years?" The Nine of Wands showed up. Maybe it's projection, but the man in the card looks weary and wary. He's had quite a struggle and is anticipating the possibility of more. Yikes! Looks like getting to Santa Barbara is going to take some work.

When the Nine of Wands shows up you may need to defend yourself. Feeling wary and guarded is the name of the game, better safe than sorry. It is also a card of persevering. Not sure how he got those other eight wands but it looks as if he had to battle for every single one of them. He refused to take "no" for an answer. He held on to his resolve and saw things through to the end. This may be the real message of the card. If I want to get to Santa Barbara I'm going to have to stay resolved and make it happen. It won't be easy, but then what is?

Finally, the card is about showing stamina. In fact, strength is probably the primary message of this card. The card tells you to keep on going; don't give up. Within are the hidden reserves needed to prevail. I think I can do this. I think I can be brave enough to leap into the unknown. The Nine of Wands tells me that if I want to achieve my goal, I'm going to have to be brave enough.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, this card depicts Frederica Vernon, the daughter of Lady Susan, kneeling in a darkened hall, holding a candle in one hand and pushing beneath a door, a letter addressed to Mr. Reginald de Courcy, the man she is hoping will save her from her mother's cruel designs.  This is the one Jane Austen novel, Lady Susan, I have not read.  I did try, but found it a bit more sensational than the controlled and contained Austen I love.  Still, the story suits the Nine of Wands.  Frederica is shy and frightened of her mother, but frightened of a loveless marriage more.  She turns to the one man who can help her.  It takes a tremendous amount of bravery to go against her mother, but the risk is well worth it.  Frederica finds love through this great risk.

What Would Jane Do?
"It is said the Fortune favors the brave.  I suspect that bravery is not the only attribute favored by Fortune, but this does not mean bravery goes unrewarded.  We sometimes view courage as something practiced only on the battlefield, but we have the potential to display it daily in our lives.  These occurances take place not when we are convinced of defeat - and yet act as if victory is assured." p. 69

March 27, 2010 - Eight of Swords/The Empress

Since the Eight of Swords showed up earlier this week, I wanted a deeper understanding of the card, what it might mean for me, what I'm not getting (since it keeps coming up). The Eight of Swords is a card about limitations, real or imagined. It's about what we believe which may not at all be what is true. The Empress is a card of abundance. She is the fertile, life-giving mother, or Mother (since this is a major Arcana card, the Empress does possess more archetypal qualities). She reminds us to strengthen and maintain our connections to the natural world. She also reminds us of our creative and life-giving powers, not just childbirth but any creative project, idea, hope and dream. I recently made a collage which may be my version of The Empress, this cherishing of the world. The Empress reminds us that life is full of wonderful gifts that are ours if we understand that these gifts and blessings come to generous and open spirits. We must give to be given too; and our abundance must go both ways, including receipt, a task which is harder for me. She also calls us to patience and discernment. As any good gardener can tell you, patience is critical, and we have to know when enough is enough, when to jump in to supplement, and when to let things be. These are all skills I have but do not always use. Obviously, it is time to get in touch with my inner Empress.

So here is the Eight of Swords reminding me of how I tend to weave stories of what I believe as opposed to what might be true. I believe the best in others, and also what I want. When pain comes and hurt, I see nothing else. I am bound by limits which are of my own making. I suspect the Empress came to me to remind of my own generative powers. She also be reminding me of my own creative powers, not just to make art, but to make the world I want to live in. I forget the art of life and the life in art and I shouldn't. I think she also appeared to remind me of who I am, what I am. I tend to take that all for granted, forget myself. I never see myself as the Empress, but it might be time.

It has been such a journey with the cards. Can't wait to see what more they have to say. I'll keep you posted.

March 26, 2010 - The Four of Swords

The Four of Swords (Quills) is one of the rare instances that the depiction in the Jane Austen Tarot is much more daunting and disturbing than in the Rider Waite Tarot. In the Jane Austen Tarot, on the Four of Quills we see Marianne Dashwood at her bitterest place, her deepest despair. She has lost her love and takes it hard, so hard she chooses to die, to literalize her broken heart, to slip and slide away. Marianne gives so much to love, so much of herself, that when love deserts her there's so little left death seems a viable, even desired option.

I never thought I was Marianne Dashwood, and in so many ways I'm not. I'm much more practical, like her sister, Elinor. And yet, I suspect in each of us, there is a Marianne and in the proper circumstances we would give ourselves completely to someone, trust them with our very hearts, and find that kind of love must be earned day by day, week by week, year by year. I found my inner Marianne at a time of life when I thought I was long beyond her. I reached a point where I didn't much care whether I lived or died. Now when push came to shove, I did choose life, a choice that still surprises me. I was so sure I was too tired, to hurt, to go on. Like Marianne, I survived my loss and like her, I must recuperate, come back to place not just of sensibility, but sense.

The Four of Swords is a card of rest, of taking time to heal, of finding peace and quiet. It's a card of contemplation, gaining a better perspective, taking time to think, reviewing where you are and where you want to go. It's also a card of quietly preparing, consolidating inner resources, getting ready for the future. It's this final aspect of the card that tells me where I am now. For the first time my heart and desires aren't tied to a person but to my own wishes, where I want to be. And it isn't a pipe dream. I feel it in my very bones. I'm going to make this happen and sooner, as opposed to later. I'm not going to defer my happiness for another. And I'm not going to wait for the right time, the perfect opportunity. I don't believe in perfect opportunities. I believe we make our choices and chances. We make our opportunities. I believe life demands of us acts of courage, life's proof and ours that we honor the blessings we've been given and our willing to risk to receive.

So I'm marshaling myself. I'm doing the hard work that frankly I should have been doing the last few years instead of chasing death with despair. I'm getting ready because my time is coming, come. I'm making my dreams a reality. As for how it goes, stay tuned and I'll keep you posted.

March 25, 2010 - The Ace of Pentacles

Not much energy today after an interrupted night. I suppose I could wonder and worry about why this time change seems to have brought me back to a place before 2003, a place of night wakings and noctavigant wanderings. It was an expectant time, desperate but hopeful. Something had to give and it did, when I least expected, something I never imagined. But there seems to be little point these days in why, in reasons. Life is what it is. Sometimes I sleep. Sometimes I don't.

So, given my tired, altered state, the Ace of Pentacles is an interesting card. It's a real world card, forcing you out of your head and heart, asking you to be embodied, to live in the material world, to be fully present. It's also a card of prospering, of enjoying abundance, of flourishing, of experiencing growth. It asks you to be practical, to be realistic, and to proceed with trust, feeling safe and protected, knowing you are safe and protected. This latter part is hard for me. The people I trusted I don't, not with my heart, not anymore. I am not sure I'm a good judge. Or maybe it has nothing to do with good or bad but instead is understanding the ebb and flow, the sometimes and sometimes not, knowing nothing lasts but the gift is in finding the next heart to open to and to open.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Ace of Coins is depicted by a Jane Austen headed coin topping the novel Sense and Sensibility. The title actually says everything about this Ace, good sense over sensitivity/sensibility. I lost myself in feelings and emotions and paid a terrible price. It may be wiser to be more cautious with myself, be sensible Elinor as opposed to romantic and reckless Marianne. Both love, but one survives, one nearly doesn't. I'd rather survive I think.

I'm going to hope sleep rejuvenates me. I'll keep you posted.

March 24, 2010 - The Eight of Swords

This Spring Equinox something changed in me. The endurance that marks me grew onerous. I didn't want to just endure anymore. I didn't want to put my life on hold. I wanted to find my place and live there; find my heart, and live there. I wanted more than ok. I wanted happy. I didn't want to put off until tomorrow anymore. Some day just wasn't good enough.

The Eight of Swords is a funny card. She looks bound and trapped. No doubt she feels bound and trapped. and yet, she's tied loosely. Her feet are free. Her blindfold looks as if it's slipping. And that wall of swords as daunting as it looks, doesn't surround her. Perhaps she can't go back, but she can move forward. She is trapped as much by her own thoughts and beliefs as she is by swords and rope. Joan Bunning writes: "Solutions are not always easy, but they exist. Find your clarity of thought and purpose (the Swords ideal) and use them to take that first step toward home." Well that sounds exactly like what I want -- to go home, my home, wherever that may be. I've been too far from Ithaca for too long. Home is calling, and time is running out.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Eight of Quills is depicted by Mary Crawford playing the harp as Edumund Bertram looks on adoringly. Edmund is trapped by his own projections of Mary, his own biases about Fanny. There is what he thinks exists, and what truly is. Fanny can see it clearly. She knows Mary is not well-suited to Edmund. But Edmund sees only what he wants. This card captures the self-delusion of the Eight of Swords, the pretty prisons we construct believing they are not prisons at all.

There was a life I wanted; a man I wanted. I've been successively ripping off veil after veil to see things truly for almost three years. I think I'm getting closer. I think I see him clearly, what we were, clearly. I was much like Edmund. I felt always unsettled with him, like ground you never trust your footing on, every step tenuous, unsure. I didn't pay attention to any of that. Can a man perpetually faithless change with one true love? I hoped so, tried to believe so. I made my pretty prison and I suppose as painful as it was, lucky for me, he stayed true to himself and I couldn't escape what my heart knew already, that he could be trusted with something as precious as my heart.

I want to move. I want a place with different rhythms, ocean rhythms. I find these days it's the one place that helps me keep perspective. I feel the depth and breadth of the world by the sea, and my joys and sorrows somehow grow less overwhelming in the company of the ocean. The ocean was my companion growing up. Years passed with the sound of it filling my ears, the scent of it filling me. I miss her.

I think this spring, a year out of my heart attack, I'm ready to actually reach for what I want. I'm tired of waiting. As fdor how it all turns out, I'll keep you posted.

March 23, 2010 - Temperance

I wanted a map from Psyche. I wanted to know where I'm supposed to be going this next stretch of my life. I didn't want subtle signs. I didn't want to search for clues, to rush off like Holmes, the game afoot. I wanted a moment of clarity and I got it. So today I asked what I needed to know to make that map, that vision of my future, a happy reality? And this angel showed up -- Temperance.

This card calls the reader to be temperate, to avoid excess, to find the middle ground, the middle road. I think of Mark Epstein's book on desire and the middle road where we are drawn to life by hungers but not ruled by them. We live not in a state of excess or denial, but in the slender draw of yes, of breath, of beat, of life. The middle road has never been easy for me. I jump in with both feet. I love with every fiber of me. I may be a Libra, but Temperance is not my strong suit. Apparently, it's time to change that.

This card also calls for the reader to maintain his or her balance, to experience harmony, to achieve equilibrium. It calls for the bringing together of opposites, within and without, and foster cooperation. The card asks us to feel centered and secure which requires us to find our center and trust in it.

It is a card of health and healing. It speaks of renewed vigor, of recovery, of well-being. You don't just get by, you flourish. I'm ready to flourish. It's been a long, long time. And I want to trust this health. I don't want to spend my days worrying if another heart attack will come and when. I want to live my life fully, every day.

Joan Bunning writes: "In fact, to temper can mean to modify by adding a new component. By combining and recombining, we come up with the ideal mixture or solution." It brings to mind the alchemical process of life, the combining and burning away, the new combinations which are heated in their turn, over and over, experimenting, living the life of try and try again, of the goal of the Philosopher's Stone, the divine marriage, the fully embodied soul, the well-lived life.

I made myself an angel on that card of my future. Maybe this was my hope, to become the angel of temperance, feet in both worlds of body and soul. Food for thought. As for how it all goes, as always, I'll keep you posted.

March 22, 2010 - The Ace of Wands

Aces are lovely, promising energy. They are a symbol of possibility, in this case in the area of creativity, excitement, adventure, courage, and personal power. I could sure use some of that energy right about now. When an ace shows up it tells you that seeds have been planted, the potential is there even though you may not yet recognize it. When the seeds sprout, they could take any form.

Of course nothing could come of it. Aces tell you to do your part. Seeds need to be tended. Sure you can depend on nature to do it all, but your chances might be slimmer. Why wouldn't you do what you could to let this seed sprout, grow, bloom? Why wouldn't you tend it, water it, feed it, help it on its way. Be daring; be brave. Find your path and push yourself. Seize the initiative. This Ace tells you that a time of passion is upon you, upon me. I need to trust myself because I know if I do, there is no limit to what I can achieve.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, this card depicts a blazing candle atop Jane Austen's most famous novel, Pride and Prejudice. The novel is not just about a journey to marriage, but it reflects a deeper story of a spiritual journey, a journey of self-understanding and personal growth, a journey I'm on as well. Maybe I too started like the Maiden of this suit, all impulsive fire and have come to be the Lady, wise, energetic, clear-sighted, sure. It would be nice.

What Would Jane Do?

"The road to any destination must begin with a first step. The key is to choose a destination that is truly representative of your core being. The quality of the journey will be in direct proportion to how well - or ill - it reflects your essential self." p. 57

March 21, 2010 - Eight of Pentacles

The Eight of Pentacles - the hard work and diligence card. I've been getting this card a lot. It seems to show up in every realm -- work, love, health. I guess there's no escaping the hard work of life, the attention to detail, the requirement to apply yourself totally and plug away. Maybe for some people, the easy route. For me, work, work, work.

Which doesn't mean it isn't beloved work. To be able to lose ourselves completely to it, in it, requires a full dedication. And as anyone can tell you when you're in the flow, you feel energized, blessed. I think life deserves this kind of focus and attention. It asks us to be involved completely. It's not like it's a dress rehearsal, that we have another chance to do it right. What happens after this life, we don't know, so it's best to give it our all. I do tend to hold myself back, to think I have plenty of time, less so now after the last year, but still.

There is one aspect of my life I am not fully immersed in. I wait, like Sleeping Beauty, for someone to come and save me. Still.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Eight of Coins depicts all the skills Anne Elliot has mastered. The card suggests that who ever draws it possesses this same level of mastery. It also could mean that you are the unseen hand behind many projects that make them successful but that you do not get credit for it. This rings a bit true but is also changing. I'm asking for more recognition and letting go of things that no longer serve.

Another aspect of the card is that it may be time to move on to higher plane, that I've reached as far as I can go in one area. This gave me pause for I have a circumstance in my life that I linger in, and maybe I shouldn't. Maybe it's time to be done. Maybe it's gone as far as it can.

The card is particularly relevant to creativity -- writing, art, music. So perhaps, even though I didn't ask about this, the cards are directing me to channel my energy into my writing and collages. That's what I'm doing. I don't know what else to do.

As for how it goes, I'll keep you posted.

March 20, 2010 The Tower

Not the card you want to see near the year anniversary of your heart attacks and bypass surgery. The last few years have been all about sudden, devastating changes, letting go, falling down, and revelations. Can I really go through more? Apparently, yes.

Joan Bunning likens the arrival of the Tower to a sharp slap and a yelling voice, "snap out of it." Not able to make change in any other way, not responding to life's small cues to get on with things, sometimes you need to be shaken, not stirred, in order to get to where you need to be. The card in and of itself is not "bad." Change, as we all know, is an inevitable part of life. It's how you handle change that makes all the difference in how uncomfortable the experience will be. "Recognize that the disruption occurred because it was needed. Perhaps embracing the change is too much to ask, but try to find the positive in it. In fact, you may feel tremendous release that you have finally been forced in a new direction. You may have a burst of insight about your situation and reach a new level of understanding about it."

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Tower card depicts an incident in Persuasion, when Louisa Musgrove impulsively leaps from the steps of the quay expecting to be caught. Her subsequent fall and long recovery brings tremendous change to those around her, including Louisa, much of it wonderful although at the time no one would have guessed. Anne's quick and intelligent actions reminds her old love, Frederick Wentworth, how much he still loves her. Louisa meets another and develops a deep love for him, helping that poor man also heal his broken heart. The Tower often indicates a bolt from the blue. It can be surprising or hurtful, but great and wonderful things can come from it if we are open to the changes, go with the flow. So, I'm going to try not to fear this arrival of the Tower. I'm going to try not to fear change but embrace it. As for how I do, I'll keep you posted.

March 19, 2010 - The King of Wands

The day already has an edgy feel, as if it's trying to pick a fight. Maybe it's the wind, lack of sleep, a life that's not quite what and where I want it to be and me knowing it's up to me to get it there. One of the things we forget about when we read fairy tales is that happily ever after don't just come. There's always a journey to get there. And even if you don't believe that happily ever after is a constant state, perhaps more of an oceanic ebb and flow, still there's a journey, there are trials, there are adventures and actions that lead the fairy tale hero, male or female, to his or her destiny. Which means that as much as I would like life to drop blessings into my lap, show me just what to do next, where to go, life and I are collaborating on this work of art called Sue's Journey, and that means I've got to do my part. I'm going to have act, to reach, to try, to fail, and try again.

It was hard this morning to even hold a question in my mind. Agitated I shuffled the cards. Agitated, I picked. The question I suspect is the same one I always seem to fall back on but maybe not. Between yesterday and today I got my destination and the faintest outline of my next journey, but no exact instructions. And I'm ready to get on with things. The bypass has taught me to get on with things, to detour around blockages if they can't be moved or managed. It doesn't serve anyone to keep bashing my head against road blocks, even if I have Aries rising and this is my default. Sometimes an irresistible force meets an immovable object and loses the fight. It doesn't happen often but it does happen and we irresistible forces need to adapt.

In tarot, the Kings of each suit carry the positive energy of the suit and the ability to actively express it in the world. The Queens embody the energy, live it, the Kings act. Sexist? Sure if you take Kings and Queens to be separate but equal and not parts of ourselves. I come from the parts of us camp. I believe if we are unable to own these characteristics we project them on to others. Past fifty and with a life threatening experience under my belt, I'm ready, willing, and able to own the energy and action of the King.

The King of Wands is a charismatic guy. He's creative, inspiring, forceful, bold. He doesn't sit around and wait for the right time. He is willing to take chances buoyed by the courage of his convictions. He possesses a commanding presence (not an easy fit for this introverted wall flower but okay, I'll give it a try) and naturally becomes the focus of attention. He communicates enthusiastically, instills confidence, is a natural and powerful leader. And the King of Wands is creative. He possess natural artistic abilities and is not afraid to use them in original and inventive ways. The King of Wands asks you to do the same - to be daring, to take risks knowing you will succeed, knowing you have the tools and the talents. And I'm not even sure he cares much about success measured by the outside world. Success for the King of Wands is doing, creating, being your authentic self, making a difference.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Lord of Candlesticks (Wands) is Captain Wentworth of Persuasion. By now most of you know I love the novel Persuasion and feel not just a little connection with its heroine, Anne Elliot, although I'm much older than Anne who was a spinster and essentially put out to pasture at the extreme age of 26. Frederick Wentworth starts out as the knight, brash, daring, sure of himself, maybe overly sure but if you know a Knight of Wands, it's hard not to see him become a King. The King of Wands is one whose impulsiveness has been tempered by time, but he or she still burns brightly and passionately.

What Would Jane Do?

"Carpe Diem! Boldness and ebullience serve you well, as long as honesty underpins your great enthusiasms, and experience guides your actions. Others might find you overly blunt, but only if they fear truth and hide their own intentions from others or themselves. This is not something you can understand, because guile and chicanery are foreign to you. May they always be so." p. 78

Food for thought as I start my day. As for how it plays out, being King, I'll keep you posted.

What

March 18, 2010 - Four of Pentacles

Mine! Mine! Mine!

The Four of Pentacles is a card about control -- owning, possessing, and maintaining the status quo. You don't want things to change, in fact you resist change, because the bird in the hand is all you care about, having and holding and keeping it forever. I get this card. I understand it. I used to handle change better. At least I think I did. I found out though, a few years ago, that when change came, big change, I cracked and crumbled. I was the Tower and change shattered me.

When the Four of Pentacles comes up you want to have and hold. You definitely want to maintain control. In fact, you demand it. It's a card of blocked change, resisting the flow, wanting everything to stay the same, even when it can't stay the same. I will admit this is me, or has been. And so life had to break me down, hip and heart, in order to make me pliable again. The lesson of the Four of Pentacles is that control is impossible. Perhaps this is why the ocean calls me so strongly, this reminder that life is a mighty ocean, power we cannot possess but merely go with the flow.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Four of Coins (Pentacles) depicts Fanny and John Dashwood, the heirs to Henry Dashwood's fortune. John has promised to take care of his two half sisters but at the urging of his wife he breaks this promise. This ends up being the best thing in the world for Elinor and Marinne, his two half-sisters. It allows them to find their own way, find people who cherish them for who they are. As hard as it is in the beginning, it brings them the love they need and deserve.

Change isn't bad although it so often feels that way. Endings can be hard and yet they open the way for new beginnings. They're going to come anyway so it's best to be the flexible willow as opposed to the rigid oak. I think the next time around I'd rather bend then break. Food for thought. As for how it turns out, I'll keep you posted.

March 17, 2010 - The Chariot

I'm tired. It's not just the time change although as anyone with fragile sleep cycles will tell you, such changes can and often wreak havoc. While most people grouse and grumble in bed, I can wake hours early, 4 am which was the old 3 am. Don't ask me why I go to this extreme. I couldn't tell you. It's just how I roll.

No, the time change isn't helping but its more than that. It's more than the effort needed to get the family going in the morning, to make lunches and breakfast, to get everyone out with a smooth start, a smile, all the things I never had growing up the responsibility for myself mine for as long as I can remember. Allergies aren't helping. The problem with the full flush of spring is the stuffy nose and headaches that I can't take anything for. I love the rush of spring but dread all this full flowering. I'd love a nice soaking rain right about now but there's little chance of it.

I suspect the year anniversary of heart attacks and bypass coming up has something to do with it. Every episode of shortness of breath, every slight bit of pressure in the sternum, even the tiredness all take me back to a year ago. I wonder if I've done what I was supposed to. Have I integrated my lessons. Can I learn from this and never have to go through it again or am I destined, like Cheney, to keep hearing from my heart?

So my tired question lacks specificity. I'm back to the tried and true: What do I need to know today for my health and happiness? The Chariot comes up.

It takes great skill to be a charioteer. You must be light on your feet, sound of body and mind. You must have a feel for the reins and a feel for your horses. You must have balance. If you don't you won't survive the ride. And you need to know where you're going. That's been coming up for me a lot lately. Where am I going? What am I supposed to be doing? Did I learn what I needed to learn? Have I held on to things long past their time? Where do I need to be? The one thing I don't seem to know is where I'm going.

The Chariot is about achieving victory, reaching your goal, beating the competition, coming out on top. Hmmmm. It is a card about using your will, being determined to succeed and focusing your intent, letting nothing distract you. Okay. Sound advice but what is my intent? To lead a happy and healthy life? To be a published novelist? To love and be loved? All of the above, and more. I'm nothing if not hopeful and expectant. It is also a card about asserting yourself, feeling self-confident and having faith in yourself. Self-confidence isn't always easy for me, especially in the realm of relationships but I suppose I can try. Finally it is a card of achieving hard control, of assuming the reins of power and getting your way, going your way. A direction at last.... could it be? Here's hoping. I'll keep you posted.

March 16, 2010 - Five of Cups

A unexpected dip in finances has me a bit shaken. So I ask the cards and this is what came up. Not too promising, but nothing I didn't know. The five of cups is about loss, grief, and regret. This has been my card off and on for the last few years. I've been this man in black, whether it's warranted or not. The bottom line is what's gone is gone and I can keep grieving it and standing still, or move on and see what opportunities come. I think I'm tired of grief; of giving and given up, of why bother. Maybe at last I'm ready to move on.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Five of Teacups depicts George Wickham and Elizabeth Bennett talking. He is telling her his tale of woe and she is listening sympathetically. Of course, it won't be long before circumstances will reveal Wickham's true character and his tale of woe merely that, a tale he may believe but with little grounding in fact. Lizzie learns the truth about Wickham, as does her family, the hard way, the way we often learn the truth, with sometimes dire consequences.

In this tarot deck there's a bit of the "woe is me" feeling. Everyone faces hard times, and while our trials may seem overwhelming, there are others who experience worse without the kind of fuss. I think maybe I've grieved enough, not just because it's time to move on, not just because such excessive grief is unattractive, but because it hurts me and those I love. I don't live my life, but spend my energy wishing for another, what might have been, which is long, long gone. Not being fully present has gotten me in the predicament. Think it might be time to face where I am and get on with things.

Not sure where all this will lead, but I'll keep you posted.

march 15, 2010 _ The Knight of Wands

Today the Knight of Wands comes to me. Knights are warnings, or maybe reminders is a better word. They possess a bold, rash energy. And sometimes this is just what's needed; the rush and dare, the brave confrontation. Sometimes though, this energy is too brash. LIfe requires more subtlety and subtlety is not the knights strong suit. And so when he comes up in a reading, you have to ask yourself is his energy helping or hurting.

The Knight of Wands brings all the energy of fire to situation. He's charming but can also be superficial. He is self-confident although this can border on cocky. He is daring, but sometimes foolhardy, adventurous but restless, passionate and hot-tempered. I can be this Knight. I can rush in foolishly, where angels fear to tread. I can be restless. I can be rash. I'm not sure I'm cocky. I tend to a heavy doses of self-doubt, but I am passionate, feel everything powerfully. Sometimes I jump in with both feet, and the consequences are devastating.

So when I ask about the health and happiness of my heart, of finding the deep and lasting connection I long for, what does the knight tell me. Is he asking me to bring a bit more passion into my life, to risk a bit, to dare, to be adventurous? Or is he telling me to hold back, to take a more measured approach? Knowing when to ebb and when to flow, when to rush and when to hold back, that kind of wisdom is hard for me. In the end I can only be myself, trust myself, and hope it's enough. It wasn't the last time but maybe this next time, I'll get it right, or at least righter. Maybe that's all we can hope for.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Knight of Candlesticks is embodied by Henry Tilney, of Northanger Abbey. He is light-hearted but possesses the courage of his convictions. He demands honesty and expects above-board behavior, especially from himself. He is unconventional but never cynical. He possesses a personal code of ethics which is unique, idealistic, and straight-forward and once his heart is won, he is intensely loyal. I like Henry Tilney. He and I are not much different. Of all Jane Austn's heroes, he's the one who is most like me. Of course Northanger Abbey gives us the shadow side of this Knight as well, in the characters of Frederick Tilney, Henry's brother, and John Thorpe. Still we have Henry to hold onto, to guide us rash and passionate beings, to help us find our own way to light the world.

Not really sure what to do about the Knight. Right now impulsive seems the last thing I would be and yet, seven years ago I was in just such a place (minus the bionic hip and bypass), sure I saw my life stretch before me unchanged, straight and narrow until I died, and five months later, my world split open and everything and anything was possible. From there I began to write again in earnest; I went back to school. I loved, deeply, profoundly, too deeply and yet.... We do not know what's ahead of us, even those of us with "inklings" and at any moment we can step off the path and find ourselves in the thick of uncharted territory. So maybe five months from now my life could blossom and I could find myself thick in an unexpected spring. It could happen. I'l keep you posted.

March 14, 2010 - The Two of Cups

I've been reading David Whyte's new book, The Three Marriages, a book about the ongoing conversation within and between our relationships with others, work and ourselves. Since conversation is the focus of my own upcoming presentation, I thought it might be nice to get this other point of view. I wasn't prepared for the emotions that would come up just reading this book, which led me to ask again about relationship in my life.

On the Two of Cups, a man and woman gaze at one another. Each holds before them a cup of their emotions, a loving cup. There is hope and a yearning, not desire, not yet. Just a maybe, a perhaps tinged with please. It is the basic equation of 1 + 1 and the balanced satisfaction of the result, 2. This is the card lovers want to see in a reading for it promises much.

When the Two cups comes up it speaks of connections made, celebrating a marriage, cementing a friendship, establishing a partnership. Now maybe you already have one. Maybe what you have doesn't look as you hoped or imagined but holds deeper understandings of working together, sharing, helping and being helped. I don't know what this means for me, whether something is coming, or whether I should come to appreciate what I have. This has been my question and sometimes I wonder if I will ever have it answered.

The Two of Cups can also be about healing a severed relationship, letting bygones be bygones, forgiving and forgetting. This too applies and seems to be occurring slowly but surely, years after the deepest hurt of my life. Not really sure what to make of it. Is it just about healing or is there something more? Is it time at last to let go or is this what we are, now, the deepest of friends? Another question I have no answers for. All I seem to be able to do is wake up each day and let it unfold and see where it takes me.

The Two of cups is also about acknowledging an attraction, letting yourself be drawn in, to move toward someone. Sometimes I wonder if that's possible. Having been so hurt so late in life I wonder if I have it in me to risk again. Don't know. This too I guess I will find out as the days go by and my life unfolds.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Two of Teacups possesses a slightly different spin from the traditional Tarot meaning. Attraction is there. The potential for love is there too. Time will tell what will come of it. The card asks you to stay focused on the here and now. See the other as he or she truly is, not your fantasy. Stay balanced, no matter how infatuated you are and you will be infatuated; it is the nature of the this card, Venus in Cancer, to lose itself in a sea of emotion.

Not sure what this all means but I guess I'l find out. I'll keep you posted.

March 13, 2010 - Eight of Pentacles

The Eight of Pentacles is the craftsman's card. It speaks of diligence and focus, hard work and attention to detail. It's time to hammer away at what needs to be done. This is not a card of blessings falling into your lap. It's a card of blessings earned through hard work. This is actually a good time for this card. I have ideas, directions, and now comes the hard work which is what this card is all about.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, this card depicts the many strengths/attributes of Anne Elliot, the heroine of Persuasion. Of all of Austen's heroines, Anne embodies best the traditional qualities of the Eight of Coins (pentacles) -- intelligence, practicality, mastery, capability, skill, and productivity. It could be that I have achieved this level of mastery in my life. It could also mean that I am ready for the next level. This is how the card feels to me. Time to push myself, to stretch, to achieve the next level in my art and my life. Yes it's going to take hard work, but I've never been afraid of hard work. Yes it's going to ask me to risk myself, but when have I been afraid to risk that much for the things I believe in?

So, to work it is. I'll keep you posted.

March 12, 2010 - Death

Although I know the Death card rarely has anything to do with physical death, this is not usually the card I want to see when asking a question. The Death card is about endings. Heraclitus, a Pre-Socratic Greek philosopher, said you never step in the same river twice. Change is inevitable. It is perhaps the one thing you can count on (like death). Things end. Things begin. The Wheel of Fortune goes round and round. A door closes, and another opens. It's how life works.

I'm not big on change. I don't know if this has always been the case. Change was part and parcel of my childhood, major changes, my parents divorce, their remarriages, moving. I weathered those. But somewhere along the way I've become rigid, fearful. I've lost my resilience. The thing is change comes whether you're ready or not. Chapter's end and new ones begin.

The Death card says you are going through a transition. There's a change of status, moving from the known to the unknown. You are cast adrift. Okay. Yes. That's pretty much described my past few years. Experiencing inexorable forces, in the path of sweeping change, caught by the inescapable, riding your fate? Been there; done that. Time to get on with things? Yeah. I'm trying, doing, slowly but surely.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Death card depicts the death of Henry Dashwood. Jane Austen rarely portrays death in her books, but in Sense and Sensibility she starts the book with the death of this man and the rest of the novel follows the ramifications of this death on his two daughters. It looks bad for Elinor and Marianne. They go from wealthy to poor. They have to depend on the kindness of strangers, in this case a cousin who offers them a cottage on his estate. They lose their chances for a good marriage, or so they think. There is a brush with death, grave disappointment, despair, endurance, but friends, deep family connections, finding those true to you, and in the end -- true love. At the beginning and middle, the girls had no idea of their happy ending. We never do.

What would Jane do?

"Unalterable change may seem a bitter pill on initial ingestion, yet as the stages of the meal of life are placed upon our table, we may find the resultant foodstuffs unexpectedly to our taste. Bitter or sweet, we must continue to consume the fare we are served, in the order in which it is served. Digestion is, of course, another matter entirely." p. 38

March 11, 2010 - The Nine of Wands

When this card came up, I said "Oh no." I shuffled it back into the deck and considered asking again. It's not a bad card. It's just speaks of work. A lot of work. And it seems I've been doing nothing but working. More seems inconceivable, and yet....

The Nine of Wands is a card of defending yourself. Being wary, guarded. Since balance is my challenge, I think I have to weigh being open with being guarded, hopeful and protected. I'm certainly working on this. Even the one place where I find defense the hardest, the one person I have the most trouble guarding against, I'm slowly coming to walk the road between.

The Nine of Wands is about persevering and persisting, despite setbacks. When you get knocked down, you stand back up. You keep trying, seeing what it is you need to see to the end. For me, there is one thing that I need to see to its natural conclusion, even though sometimes it has been the most painful thing I've ever done in my fifty plus years. I have to write this particular story to its finish and read it to the very last word. Not because I'm masochistic, although it sometimes feels that way, but because what I'm learning and where it's leading me, is important for my heart, my soul, my life.

The Nine of Wands is also about stamina. You hold fast, despite fatigue. You draw on hidden reserves. You hold yourself together, life, through sheer force of will. I've been doing that for the last few years. I suppose I can do it for however many more I need to. Some days I'm so damn tired but I keep on reaching deep because what choice is there?

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Nine of Candlesticks depicts the daughter of Lady Susan taking her future into her own hands by reaching out for help to the one man who can save her. She's afraid but is taking action, even at great personal risk, even though told not. Frederica dares and that too is part of this card. There is at the core of the card, the courage of convictions. You know what you have to do and you have the courage and strength to do it.

In the Jane Austen

March 10, 2010 - The Page of Swords

In the thick of a cold, I focus on the day to day. The big themes and variations of my life take a back seat to just getting by. So I wasn't particularly enthusiastic when I asked my question. I kept it simple, not expecting much: What do I need to know today to help me find happiness? And once again the Tarot gave me food for thought, proving there are no easy questions, no dumb ones. Maybe there are rhetorical questions, ones we the answers to, and yet maybe we need to ask them and to hear those answers. Maybe we need those reminders to keep us on our path or to find our way back to it if we've wandered off.

When pages come up in a reading they are typically messengers. Growth opportunities are coming our way, typically in the form of challenges and dilemmas. The point is to make us to stronger. To help us know ourselves at the very core of our being. The challenges of the pages in general are meant to test our mettle and sometimes we just don't want our mettle tested. I suppose we have a choice but my experience of the pages is we don't. The trial comes. We have to act, even when we choose not to.

The Page of Swords asks you to use your mind. Analyze the situation, using logic and reason. You re-examine your beliefs, study and research the facts. You think everything through. The Page also asks you to be truthful. Act honestly, speak directly, stop deceiving, including yourself. I tend to be pretty honest but there are areas I haven't been, and that dishonesty took a heavy toll. No more, my heart says. You can't survive it. The Page calls us to be just, to do what you know is right. It also asks us to strong, have fortitude, to face problems squarely, refuse to be discouraged, keep your chin up and head high (maybe why I'm taking so many pictures of sky and clouds lately).

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Page of Swords (Maiden of Quills) depicts Emma Woodhouse at the beginning of the novel. Emma thinks she's smart, wise even. She claims a hand in the marriage of her governess to Mr. Weston. And when she meets Harriet Smith, a pretty, young woman of unknown parentage, Emma decides she knows best, molding Harriet's opinions, urging her toward particular sentiments, none of which work out. By the end of the novel Emma realizes smart isn't wise and that if you do not know your own heart, it might be best not to think you know the hearts of others.

Being clever can be a good thing, but a quick mind can be a terrible thing to waste and if it's not taught discipline and humility, the results can be hurtful and painful. There's something in this card of being too smart for your own good. Also there is a lack of empathy, focusing so much on machinations you forget people's lives are involved. I also get a sense of pride, of being just a wee bit too smart for your own good, and finding yourself, as I often do, in the thick of a mess, my heart hurt the worst of all. Food for thought, as always. Now pass me a Kleenex.

March 9, 2010 - The Moon

I go through phases of closeness and distance, of feeling separate and alien, and feeling part and parcel of the world. I wax and wane just as the moon. I watch from above; I howl from below like wolf and dog. My question today is about love, but I think after The Moon shows up, it moves beyond the romantic realm to this deeper wound, this child-me that sometimes feels connected and sometimes doesn't.

Here's what Joan Bunning of learntarot.com writes about the Moon: "Most of the time we live in a tiny pocket of normality that we wrap around us like a security blanket. We turn our backs on the mysterious universe that waits outside. From time to time we may sneak a peak with our imagination, or venture out through fantasy or expanded awareness. We can be thrust out there unprepared through drugs, madness or intense experiences such as battle.

The Moon is the light of this realm - the world of shadow and night. Although this place is awesome, it does not have to be frightening. In the right circumstances, the Moon inspires and enchants. It holds out the promise that all you imagine can be yours. The Moon guides you to the unknown so you can allow the unusual into your life."

Those of us who are noctavigant (night wakers and wanderers) know this realm of the Moon, this place of dreams and mysteries, symbols and signs. It is a place of shadows, of soft, secret light, of the fantastic and the ordinary, the wild and civilized traveling together. It can foster fear although it doesn't have to. It can create such strong illusions we believe them as real, although that's our choice and not the dictate of the Moon. This card can signal lost direction and purpose, wandering aimlessly. My troubles with love involve all of these aspects of the Moon - illusions, inner demons, bewilderment. I often will make the other my direction, or sometimes love, and I lose myself. Sometimes it can take years for me to find myself again.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Moon is depicted by Emma Woodhouse staring into a basin of water in the dark of night, haunted by the shadows of her heart, her wild imaginations and darkest fears. The Moon is our depths, our mysteries, unfolding. We face our greatest fears, rational or not, and in so doing learn more about ourselves then we ever could have imagined. Fears are not reality, not always, and yet they are powerful things urging us to act recklessly, sometimes being our own worst enemies.

"The Moon is never a card of superficiality. When you receive the Moon your feelings run deep and true. They are likely to be complicated, complex, and occasionally overwhelming." p. 48

The Tarot never gives me direct answers. Sometimes it reframes, more often it reflects, asking me to do the work of figuring myself out and finding my own way. It asks me to tolerate ambiguity and the discomfort of becoming, something I'm more and more able to do. Perhaps this is the true gift of being noctavigant, a creature of the Moon, the stuff of dreams. We come to a place, if we're lucky, where dreams and "real" are both part and parcel of our waking and sleeping lives. We come to know our fears, to look them in the eye, and to keep on going. The wild and civilized in us find their balance and we can, perhaps, at last, find our way to our most authentic selves.

March 8, 2010 - Judgement

This is not the first time Judgement has shown up in these daily readings. What's depicted on this card is the Day of Judgement, the Angel of the Lord blowing his trumpet and call the living and dead to the final reckoning. It is a card about making judgments, making an honest appraisal, getting off the fence and making hard choices. Since there are plenty of places in my life that require a more honest appraisal so it's hard to know specifically what the card is referring to so it might be wise just to generally grow more honest in all of them.

The card is also about feeling reborn, awakening to possibilities, enjoying renewed hope, making a fresh start, and discovering joy. Oh for the joy, the unfettered, heartfelt, Hallelujah. I am alive and well (I think, I hope). There is plenty to be joyful about. Maybe it's time to trust a bit and be joyful.

When Judgement comes you hear a call, recognize your true vocation, and act on it. You decide to make a difference. Not just feel drawn to a new direction, but know what to do, and to do it. That is perhaps one of my greatest challenges, not just to know what to do but to be brave enough to do it. It requires judgment, discernment, to know what calls you and when to act.

Finally, this is a card about finding absolution, releasing guilts and sorrows. All of us have done things we are ashamed of, small and large. And it requires atonement, sometimes confession, sometimes restitution, always resolve not to repeat that mistake again, hurt those we know we shouldn't. Often we are harder on ourselves than anyone else would ever be. And so sometimes we have to forgive ourselves as human and resolve to do better. I think it is my time.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Judgment card depicts the characters of Emma at the end of the novel, or close. Each of the characters has reached a point where he or she is reaching out toward the future. For Emma and George Knightley, it's a future together. For Mrs. Weston, Emma's governess, it's the chance to start her own family, to be loved and loving wife, as well as mother. For Harriet Smith, it's marrying and finding herself at last as Mrs. Martin. For Mr. Woodhouse, the perpetual worrier, it's letting go enough to allow his daughter to marry, not to make her choose his happiness over hers. Everyone has his or her own path and the Judgement card encourages you to find yours and to follow it, to move to your next level, to be what you were meant to. The trumpet has sounded. I guess this is my time, my turn.

March 7, 2010 - The Nine of Cups

I wouldn't say I love the Nine of Cups. There's a bit of guilt that comes when I get it. I think it's the smug look on the man's face, his cups all lined in a row, "his" cups. It seems a selfish card and good little girls aren't selfish, at least that was what I was told again and again as a child. It's funny how the lessons of childhood last and last. We hardly know we carry them still until something triggers the behavior and we are 7 again, trying to please.

The question today was the one I usually ask: What is the one thing I need to know today for the health and happiness of my heart in the coming year?

The Nine of Cups is sometimes called the "wish card." It says your wish will come true. I shiver at this, the kind of frisson that comes when you are deliciously frightened, when threat and desire are just at the edge of pleasure and the slightest tip, could rush to pain. Like everyone, I have my deep, dark wishes, the ones I won't admit to, won't even utter. For all my good behavior as a child, I was a wild thing. I ruled myself with an iron hand, afraid lest my emotions overwhelm me, lest I hurt others as I was often hurt. My wish coming true will hurt another, I'm sure. My wish coming true means I am putting my desires before another's. It goes against the years of my childhood. I was not supposed to want and yet I do.

The Nine of Cups is also a card of feeling satisfied, that all's right with the world. This is another stretch for me. I've blogged about this before, my Grandmother's legacy of keeping a lid on smugness and pleasure so the gods won't be jealous. I look at the man in the card and am certain the gods will find some way to humble him. Hubris is always punished, at least if you're a devotee of Greek myths or spent any time with my Grandmother Katherine. Apparently you can take the girl out of Greece but apparently not Greece out of the girl.

Finally, the Nine of Cups is a card of enjoying sensual pleasures. It asks you to be fully present in this material world and to enjoy the glories of it. This too gives me pause. Since my bypass surgery I have not re-entered this world fully. I feel more spirit than body, as if time is borrowed, not really mine. I experience the beauty of the world with an intensity that comes, I think, from feeling no longer quite of it. I think the Nine of Cups is calling me back from the edge, to be not just in the world, but of it. I hope I can do it. I hope I can be brave enough.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Nine of Teacups depicts a dinner of friends and family at the Weston household. Mr. Weston oversees the happy table. The card speaks of an "open," welcoming, and happy heart. The bypass surgery literally opened my heart. Now it is time to figuratively open it, to be brave, to be myself. Alaska was a step in that direction. And as Machado said, the path is made by walking. There are no road maps to healing. We each of us find our own way from "cure" to healed, writing and rewriting our story of illness and recovery, perhaps in process revising our life story. The Nine of Teacups doesn't assure happiness, just your right to it. It's up to us to take the necessary actions to achieve Mr. Weston's state of contentment.

March 6, 2010 - Strength

I spent the morning researching Alaskan poets which led me to a couple of writer's conferences held yearly in Alaska (and an MFA program at the University of Alaska at Anchorage which I will admit I'm flirting with). So my question today revolved around my writing: "What do I need to know today to help me become the best writer I can be?"

The Strength card is lovely and I am coming to understand that for this Libra, it a key to balance. A maiden walks with a lion, human and animal in perfect harmony, peaceful within and without. There is that passion in me few guess at unless you know my art perhaps. My ordinary exterior has always hidden wild forces within. My mother rhapsodizes at what a wonderful child I was, how good, nearly perfect. She had no idea at the Cat 5 winds that blow within me, that were a part of me, even then. It has taken me years to try to find some balance and still some days I am wild lion, untameable, ferocious, deadly.

This is what Joan Bunning says about the strength card (italics are mine): "Usually we think of strength in physical terms - big arms, powerful legs - but there is also inner strength. Inner strength comes from an exercise of the heart muscle. It is perseverance, courage, resolve and composure - qualities that help us endure when times are tough. In the past, a person with inner strength was commonly said to have character; he or she could be counted on in the darkest moments. Card 8 represents this energy of quiet determination. Strength is not a flashy card, but one that is solid and reliable."

When the Strength card shows up in a reading you know you can endure, you are a rock, your heart strong and true despite setbacks. The life of a writer is full of setbacks, no thank yous and the more direct and hurtful "don't bother to send anything else." It requires a strong heart, a certain fearlessness, and the ability to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep on slogging. Sometimes people comment on your work, warm, wonderful words that tell you you're on the right path, that your words speak. Sometimes even your best friends say nothing, letting all your doubts fester in that eloquent silence.

The strength card asks you to be patient, accepting, to deal calmly with frustrations. You move on because that is what you do, and you keep writing because you are a writer and this too is what you do. The Strength card also asks you to be patient, with others but also with yourself. It is a craft and not every product will be a masterpiece. Sometimes we are clumsy with words that are supposedly our gifts. Sometimes we know what we want but fall far short. We can beat ourselves up or demonstrate grace, even with ourselves, especially with ourselves.

The Strength card is about soft control. It isn't the iron hand in the velvet glove but rather the trained light touch of the charioteer (the card that comes before strength) who understands the subtle demands of guidance. For me that means not forcing a story to take a particular form but rather to collaborate with it, let it tell itself through me. The Strength card is about demonstrating the strength of love. As a writer you have to love your work and more importantly love yourself, a much harder task given our tendency to go to the dark place, the blame place, the "I'm no good" place when things go wrong.

Seems pretty sage advice, actually. Definitely a good reminder as I continue working on The Snow Queen, honoring new ideas that come to me as I write, but letting them wait for a bit as I keep my attention focused on the newest of my brood, my first Alaska tale but not my last I think.