My question was the usual, "What do I need to know?" although at the care there is another pressing issue, this idea of moving on, of mastering the lessons of illness and death, of dwindling time and the need to make the most of it. I will admit to being a bit obsessed, especially since my dad's death, with "getting" what lessons I need to and "getting" on with life. I so want to see things in this black and white even though one of the lessons of the last few years has been shades of gray.
As those of you who read this blog know, I've been working with the Jane Austen Tarot. Every deck has its particular philosophy, and I resonate with Jane Austen - the relational focus, the pithy observations, and a world where connections and love drive our stories. Relating cards to stories has made it easier for me to understand the essence of certain cards even as I understand I am viewing the Tarot through a particular lens and bias. Another year and I might find myself taken with another deck; but for now, since many of my questions seem to be relational, this is the deck for me.
So back to the World. In the Rider-Waite deck we have a woman placed at the center of an oval. Now this figure is sometimes represented as an androgyne, a being both male and female, representing wholeness. This is reflected again by the oval, perhaps a laurel wreath, signifying triumph and being at the height of one's craft/field. In each of the four corners is a representation of each of the directions/elements, suggesting that with this card, we have mastered and are reflecting every element within us. Notice how the figure dances, light as a feather, perfectly balanced although never touching the ground. With this card then, we have achieved balance. Looking just at the imagery then, you don 't need to open a book to find the meaning. It's clear by just looking at the card. The tarot is often like this. You just have to begin to think symbolically.
Now let's get back to where I am, which is holding this amazing card and not feeling the least bit amazing myself. Do I feel whole, integrated, myself at last? Yes, but it is not a static process, at least for me. It is a constant becoming so even as I dance lightly in the air, I know I will take that step off the cliff, like the Fool, and begin again. In fact, I want to, not because I enjoy the fall as much as I know that life is to be lived and that every equinox tips us this way and that, depending. Do I feel accomplished? This is a card, after all, of realizing your goals, of prospering, of seeing your dreams come true. Yes, but each goal seems to lead to another goal and while I may be flourishing, I am still working on achieving my heart's desires. The World is also a card of healing and sharing what you have, of giving of yourself, of being fully engaged. Well, I am fully engaged, that's for sure, although that is not always a comfortable thing. And as for being fulfilled, savoring he moment and counting my blessings, well that to is ongoing. I tend to focus on what I don't have as opposed to what I do. Thank goodness this is the season of thanksgiving and thankfulness, encouraging me to go against my grain.
The thing about Tarot is that maybe you're going to get a definitive answer, but it's always going to be something you already knew if you paid attention to your own sure, still voice instead of giving in to the endless chatter inside your head and out. Mostly though, you're going to get reminders, and the cards are going to make you stop and think and perhaps, at last, understand yourself. When you act, you will act consciously and perhaps realizing for the first time why you are where you are and what you have to do if you want to find yourself some where different. And maybe you don't want to be anywhere different. Maybe you're happy just where you are and that's good to know too. Then you can savor the moment, count your blessings and find some contentment.
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