January 26, 2011 - The Five of Wands

I'm getting ready to head down to Santa Barbara for their film festival.  Santa Barbara is a place of my greatest joys and deepest sorrows, a place of dreams and hopes, haunting, lovely and terribly problematic, for me.  I keep going there for many reasons.  It inspires me, fills my heart.  There are good friends there.  And the place itself calls to me as strongly as any person.  My first love is there; perhaps my first love is Santa Barbara and he, is the second, the embodiment of the place.

Sometimes when I find myself in Santa Barbara, I see my first love.  We are "friends" or we try to be.  It is a relationship that is problematic for me, but psychologically rich so I keep working it as it keeps working me.   It seems I may see him this trip, my first love.  Of course, it is just as likely I won't.  This is part of our dance, the on and off, ebb and flow of us.  Most of me is sanguine, finally, although there is a part of me, still, that frets and fusses over the yes and no, he will or won't.  So I asked the cards what I should I keep in mind this trip, if we meet.  The Five of Wands came (the Five of Candlesticks in the Jane Austen Tarot).

The Five of Wands, like most fives in the Tarot, is about struggle.  Looking at the young men sparring, this isn't a full-out, knock down, drag out battle.  It's a minor skirmish, which doesn't mean that you won't get hurt.  The Five of Wands is one of those days where nothing seems to go right, where a dozen small annoyances make for one very bad day.  It's a card of quarreling, competition, and hassles.  I'm thinking this is not a particularly auspicious card for this visit.  Oh well.  These days I'm a wait and see kind-of gal, so we'll do just that, wait and see what comes.

January 24, 2011 - Ace of Cups

I love this card.  There is so much peace in it, so much hope.  Sure, like all Aces it holds the idea, the seed, the possibility, in this case of deep emotions, intuition, intimacy, compassion and love.  And yes, this card, like all the cards, requires us to use our gifts, to make the effort.  Tarot is never sure, never Fate, at least in my understanding of it.  Tarot reminds us that life collaborates with us every step of the way.  We bring our gifts, and maybe we get the promised prize.  Of course, we must always be open to what may come and how it may come.  So many times we are so sure how the story will play out and surprisingly find ourselves in another story entirely.  The key seems to be this: Be open.

When the Ace of Cups arrives in a reading, it suggests the emotional and intuitive realms are at the fore.  The seeds have been planted but what grows, if anything, depends on you.  Many get this card and think 'new love.'  And yes, it could mean that, but it doesn't have to.  Any part of the emotional realm is under this card's provenance.  So be prepared.  Look at your life and see how its emotional energy can work for you.  Maybe it is a new love.  Maybe it is forgiveness, of yourself or another.  Perhaps it's time to reach out and connect with others.  Or it could be that it is time for you to drop your reserve and let your feelings show.  Only you will know what this card means and it requires that you practice patience and self-reflection.

January 20, 2011 - The Six of Wands

The Six of Wands is a card of triumph, acclaim, and pride.  It is the minor arcana counterpart of the Chariot.  When this card shows up in a reading, you have been working hard toward a goal and success is within reach.  The thing is, I asked my usual question, "What do I need to know today, that will help me move along my path toward my higher good?"  Of course there's always a subtext, even to these general questions.  There are yearnings and hopes, joys and sorrows, regrets, all of us have a few.  So how to tease out what is the battle, what is the victory?  I should be celebrating, but why?  And maybe it doesn't matter, the what and the why, but knowing that there is struggle and success, that the wheel turns and turns and turns.

Sometimes in Tarot the answers are unclear.  Usually that is because the question is unclear although I think there is something in Tarot like there is in the Runes, the blank Rune that says it's in hands of the gods and only they can know for now.  It is a fated point.  Maybe this is where I am, or maybe I do know. Or maybe it is all just wishful thinking.

If you're confused about a card, you can restate your question, or clarify it, and then choose another card.  This I did and received the Lovers.  The Lovers is a card about relationships.  It is also a card of choices.  I think I know what the battle is, but I still don't know what success and triumph means.  I have hopes, sure, but they're just future and fantasy.  Since my heart surgery, I'm a lot more present tense, more content to let triumph unfold, to see the future unfold, not to project my desires.

Tarot can give clear enough answers, in the beginning.  As you work with it longer, the answers grow deeper, more multi-faceted.  I think for me, I've been working with it long enough that we've become old friends in a deep conversation.  Which means I'm going to wait and see what comes.

January 18, 2011 - The Queen of Wands

Sometimes I have burning questions that I ask the Tarot. Sometimes I have burning questions I don't ask the Tarot.  And sometimes, I don't yet have a specific question and so I just ask for guidance, which is what I did tonight.

I will say, like many I know, I am in the midst of transformation.  I am unfolding and have no idea where I'm headed.  I joked to a friend tonight I should don a permanent sign, Under Construction.  I may be 52, but I'm still becoming.

So what does it mean when the Queen of Wands comes for a visit? Court cards can refer to particular people who embody the traits, in this case, an attractive, wholehearted, energetic, cheerful and self-assured being.  They can also suggest a particular environment or atmosphere that would be good for you or one you should try to cultivate.  Maybe these are qualities you need to embody.  Or perhaps, they are qualities you have but don't recognize.  The key with court cards, I'm finding, is just to listen.

I have come over the years to like this Queen of Fire.  My she is self-assured.  I am growing into that, in some ways, and in others still I'm still lacking.  She is described as appealing and popular.  It is said she creates a powerful first impression.  These are not words I would use to describe myself, although maybe it's time I learned.  I'm thinking maybe the Queen is telling me to shake off my blues and adopt a sunnier disposition.  She is encouraging me to let my light shine and to know myself beautiful inside and out.  I once had a dream of woman growing lighter, brighter as she became herself and by the end she was so bright and so beautiful, I didn't care about the rest of the dream, I only wanted to be just like her, my soul clear and shining, bright and beautiful, myself completely.  I think I am heading there, slowly but surely.

Those of you who have been reading my blogs know I've been working with the Jane Austen Tarot.  It seems to be a gentle, hopeful deck, the perfect deck for me these days.  In the Jane Austen Tarot, the Queen of Wands (Lady of Candlesticks) is Elizabeth Bennett, the heroine of Pride and Prejudice.  At the beginning of the novel, Lizzie is the Maiden.  Time though, and experience her burnish her into the Lady.  The Queen cards in tarot suggest that the strengths of the suit have been embodied.  Elizabeth doesn't just act out the attributes of integrated wands, she embodies them.

There was a time when I wanted to be Elizabeth Bennett.  Vivacious, self-possessed, smart, pretty, observant, with a quick wit, she was the best I could imagine to be.  She had a honoring connection with her father.  Her relationship with her mother was exasperated but accepting, even loving in its way.  She found love and companionship, respectful and passionate.  He was her equal and she his.  That was my dream of love, maybe still is.  Nowadays, I have more in common with Anne Elliot of Persuasion, Austen's only older and wiser heroine, her last.  Anne is nearly past hope, nearly an Old Maid, and yet there's a part of her that still hopes, that blossoms like a flower when that hope is sparked.

But today, it's Elizabeth Bennett and maturing into a wise and warm Lady of Candlesticks.  She still inspires me, this Queen of Wands.  And I still find there's a part of me that dreams of Elizabeth Bennett and her happily ever after.

November 27, 2010 - Judgement

When a Major Arcana card comes up in a reading, you're supposed to pay attention.  It means that whatever is happening is transformational, life-changing, important for your path.  Since I don't always articulate questions when I pull a card (of course there is always the unstated, I'm realizing more and more, things left unspoken but not, it seems, unvisited), it gives me a bit of wiggle room when trying to figure it out.  At least that's what I tell myself.

The scene depicted on the Judgement card is Judgement Day.  The angel of the Lord is calling forth the dead.  Those that are worthy will rise to heaven and those that are not ....  Well, let's just say most organized religions urge you not to be found unworthy.  I never quite know how I feel when this card comes up.  Sometimes judgment is necessary.  You have to commit yourself and decide.  Sometimes we are judged, fairly and unfairly.  It is a card of salvation.  The past is forgiven and you receive your just rewards.  It would be nice if we made it through life without mistakes, without hurting people, without being less than what we are and what we can be.  It's nice to know that we can be forgiven those trespasses and have our fresh start.

So what does it mean when this card comes up in a reading  Well, it can mean a day of reckoning is at hand.  It may also mean that all the waffling has to stop; that a decision needs to be made and stuck with.  I'm big on waffling.  I don't end things well, especially when I don't want things to end.  Sometimes though you do have to end things.  I keep wondering if Judgement shows up to remind me of the things that are lingering, the ones I haven't taken care of.  Another aspect of the card is salvation and redemption.  It could mean that it's time for a fresh start and that a fresh start is possible.  It could signal a time of renewed hope as well as a time to discover joy.  That would be nice, the renewed hope and discovering joy part.

In the Jane Austen Tarot, this card depicts the characters of Jane Austen's novel, Emma - Emma and Mr. Knightley; Mrs. Weston; Mr. Woodhouse; and Harriet Smith.  By the end of the book, each of these characters is ready for transformation, for the next level in his or her development.  George Knightley and Emma are deeply in love and engaged to be married; Mr. Woodhouse, a man who dreads change, is contemplating accepting it for his daughter's sake and his own.  Harriet Smith, a young woman of unknown parentage, has fallen in love multiple times and fallen out of it just as easily, and at last finds herself back where she started, with a proposal from Robert Martin.  Mrs. Weston, Emma's old governess, has married a gentleman and is expecting her first child.  Her life has changed and is going to change again from wife to mother.

What I like about the pairing of this novel and the card is how it demonstrates something critical about this card.  Transformation requires action of us.  Each of these characters had to make a choice, a judgment, and then act on it.  Fate didn't drop a happy ending in his or her lap.  Each of them had to act, to know what he or she wanted, and work towards it, trusting it would come.  This is the lesson I am taking from the Judgement card today.

November 26, 2010 - The Lady of Coins (Queen of Pentacles)

Another court card; so what else is new. When court cards appear certain character traits are highlighted. In the case of the Queen of Pentacles you are talking about someone who is down-to-earth, nurturing, bighearted, resourceful and trustworthy.  Are these me?  Or are these qualities I need to embody?  Perhaps this is the atmosphere I need to create?  Or maybe this is someone in my life.  The court cards are funny that way.  People wrestle with them, trying to figure them out.  At least I wrestle with them, trying to figure them out.

Since my time at Pacifica, I see them more as examples of Jung's typology.  Jung believed that as we individuate we become more and more able to embody typological aspects that are not our more natural fits.  Introverts become more extroverted, feelers can access their thinking function.

So what about Queen of Pentacles?  She came on a family day when I was making a home Thanksgiving.  It was a typical day with good and bad, highs and lows, ease and worry.  My dog had eaten something bad and ended up sick.  I could have over-reacted but remained calm and competent, caring but not crazed.   The Queen of Pentacles is the kind of woman you want around when you are in trouble, hurt, fearful, worried.  I hope I'm that kind of woman too, when I need to be.   I think was the day this card arrived, meaning I was as I needed to be, but larger lessons?  I'm just not sure.  I guess I'll keep drawing cards and maybe someday the court cards will make sense to me.  Until then, it's time to get the stock started, check on the dog, and try out that recipe with my daughter.  I think that's what the Queen of Pentacles would do at any rate

November 24, 2010 - The Lord of Candlesticks (King of Wands)

The court cards of each suit in the Tarot reflect mastery of the attributes of the suit, from the idealized optimism of the page to the mastery and expression of the king.  Wands represent the element of fire.  It is a suit of creativity, self- expression, entrepreneurship, and originality.  When the King arrives in a reading, fire of fire, get ready.  Here is someone who is honest, forthright, knows what he wants, and reaches out to make it happen.  He is bold, daring, and confident.  He has the courage of his convictions and always believes in himself.

So what does the King of Wands mean for me today?  My question was not really a question, asked but not really asked after receiving an email from someone who has meant the world to me, perhaps still does, and has hurt my heart more often than I can count.  It was a nice enough email, one that a even a year ago, might have made me happy, hopeful, but now brings a shrug and a wondering, 'so.'  I can tell you I don't feel one bit like the King of Wands.  There's no way I'm the center of attention, forceful in the pursuit of my goals, confident, a natural leader, bold and daring.  Creative, sure, but the rest?  The email reminds me of all I'm not, and then the King of Wands arrives to encourage me to be creative, inspiring, forceful, charismatic and bold.  Can I be the King of Wands?  Looks like I'm going to have to try.